oh yea

today at work i was so flustered
that I answered the phone

"thank you for calling Allyn, how can I help you?"
and proceeded to have the wrong calendar up for the reservation the man wanted and we had a little calendar tustle over the date.
He was correct.

it made me laugh so hard I was crying.

makin' do

with whatcha got is hard shit.
You oughta know what I mean and I refuse to explain.


makin' do with whatcha got is tough.

Family traditions never get old

There are a lot of things I love.
Among them are get togethers and family, traveling and meeting new people, and recently,
being domestic.
As in, I really enjoy cooking, and decorating my space, to make it feel like my very own home.
And I want it to look lived in, I want it to reflect my past, my roots, my interests, my loves.
And when I travel, I make it a point to not forget where I came from and what I love about home, to take a little piece of what I have learned growing up with me wherever I go.

And so get togethers with family that I love, in beautiful places with lots of yummy food... it just all makes me very happy.


Luckily, I come from a family that also loves and even throws great get togethers, whether for a reason, or just because it is high time to get together, eat yummy food, meet people that know you but you don't know them, and just catch up and laugh, an inevitable part of being together.

This weekend I headed into the middle of nowhere for a birthday party for the Pog.

The Pog was beautiful, just like she has always been.
She has always been the most elegant lady I've known.

The house was beautiful, because my aunt is a wonderful decorator, who really utilizes what she has and makes it look its best.
I think it is high time for a Southern Living nomination.
To boot, she is a great hostess!

And what made the house even more beautiful was that its surroundings were in full bloom.
The middle of nowhere is beautiful.

The middle of nowhere has been in my family for a while - in fact, the middle of nowhere pretty much consists of my family. But my family has deep roots in this place, and so when I go there, despite how much I dislike the middle of nowhere, I get caught up in the history, and mystery, and potential of the place and how I can carry little pieces of that place and all it means to my family with me wherever I happen to be going.

A few glimpses of the weekend:

 

 

ballet

You know have returned to the world of ballet when your teacher asks you why you aren't as flexible as a few days ago, you tell them you have a big knot above your left cheek and are taking it easy, and they proceed to pull you off the ground, and punch you multiple times in the butt, declaring that they are fixing the problem.

lately

Been busy, yessss.

An update:

babies got a bath. We had rats for a little while. They like us more now than they did a few days ago.

Eva and I went to the beach on Saturday.

I took a test in Archaeology and a quiz in Biological Anthropology today.
I survived.
I know, I'm surprised, too.

Anddd I absolutely love doing floor/ground work in dance.
It just feels so natural, so earthy, so full. 

wonders never cease

It was deceiving in India, yes.

Cutting up a real life pineapple is not as easy as the average Indian street vendor makes it seem.
No sir, it is not.

I'm missing it. I am missing India.
I am missing traveling.
I am missing the people and the sights and the excitement.
I miss taking pictures.

I'm getting scared that everything I want is too far out of reach.
I want my masters, my Ph.D, the Peace Corps.
And before that I want my choreography for the fall to be amazing - I want it to feel right, not just look technically right. I want my GRE scores to be fantastic. So I don't have to take it more than once. I want all of the fleas to stop irritating my babies and get my roommates off my back. I want to finish Biological Anthropology confidently. And I want a banjo.

ok. go.

This weekend was another one of those great happy weekends.

long evening walks
french food and cold coffees
sunsets
auditions ("Raise your hand if you want to be in the modern piece... I know Allyn does." "WTF?")
funny movies (please watch The Men Who Stare at Goats.)
and a John Dillenger gangsta movie (loud)
cooking and eating on the back porch (Justin's request - asparagus)
pretzels with peanut butter (Justin ate a lot)
Hairspray the musical ("You can't stop the motion of the ocean...")
desserts at Kaminsky's ("you've been here before, right?" "...Yes.")

and then -

my mataji showed up and i loooooved having her here!
It was her birfday weekend wif me and so she got flowers and then she bought a wine opener for us because we broke the last one, and then I was supposed to sneak get her coffee/breakfast in bed but was unsuccessful because she got up and we went for breakfast at the Sweetwater Cafe -grits, eggs, hashbrowns, coffee, english muffin (to share of course).
Went to the beach and walked straight through the bocce ball tourny - got washed away by the water - went for dinner at Vickery's and watched a wedding across the creek - inevitably couldn't convince her to stay.
She never called to say she got home.

I hate when she leaves.

Sometimes, it's hard to get your work done around here.

I mean, c'mon.
One thing I have always known, but is constantly being reinforced, is how much I need something to pick up and cuddle around its neck. Someone that knows when I'm happy, knows when I'm sad, knows when I would rather be playing with them, knows that I'll lock them out of my room and they will still love me in 2 days.
My kitties are so comforting, it's ridiculous.

So, I think CofC needs to be reminded that 4 pm is tea time. I've yet to find a chai shop, my bicycle is actually comfortable and I'm not about to die every time I get on it, I'm having trouble getting credits for the yoga class I took (don't they know that yoga is a very legitimate, very real, very true, very wonderful class? Doesn't CofC know that they need happy, centered, balanced students before they can expect good grades in classes that aren't their students specialty?) I've yet to be blocked on my way to class by man, bus, by concrete, or by cow. I don't sweat through my entire class, I don't have to carry a towel to class, nor do I have to hide my sweaty thighs on my way out of class from other students with sweaty leg stains too. My teachers don't chant, they don't sing, they don't emphasize words the way I like, they don't bless and thank the earth for letting us stomp on them, their toes and finger tips aren't red, they don't have nose rings, they don't walk around barefoot, not a single one of them has a creepy moustache, they don't demand we get water for them, and in fact, nobody from downstairs brings them glasses of water and tea. I'm not getting my recommended intake of naan, aloo gobi, daal, or milk bikis, and I have far too much reading. My teachers respond to their emails too promptly and dress boring. I have too many clothing and shoe options, and so it takes me wayyy too long to get dressed, and my bookbag is super heavy because each of my classes requires a notebook and 3 textbooks each. I have classes on Fridays, and no mindblowing, absolutely jawdropping gorgeous weekend plans of ancient mystery. My hair doesn'
t curl on its own, and I've eaten my fingers to nubs because I don't have wonderful henna on my hands.

Most of all - I don't take it nearly as seriously. I mean, I'm serious. Serious, and stressed, and hopeful, and excited, and determined.
But I was connected to myself and my life, and I don't always feel it now.
I'm connected in a very different way.
Here, I'm all business. Get things done - this is how you succeed.
My priorities are wonky.
At one point in time I understood the importance of yoga and meditation in daily life, of thanking the earth for its time and patience, of approaching others with grace and compassion.
I still understand it, but I do not employ it like I should.
It's disappearing from me. My experiences are fading.
Everything I learned, I'm having trouble putting it into practice.

my eyeballs are killing me

And I think it is because sometimes I sleep with my eyes open.
... how romantic.

Fact of the day - sleeping with your eyes open does not mean that you are getting a good night's sleep.
If it did, I doubt I would have dosed off 6+ times today.
Do you?

Week 2 ---> My classes are confusing me.

Hebrew text class:
"In the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth..."

Biological Anthropology class:
"According to the Big Bang Theory..."

My only conclusion after reading both arguments:

This is a test from the universe.
And she thinks she's reeaaal funny.

Craving of the day:
Ramen noodles.
Conclusion?
Back off, Universe. I know how much sodium you packed in that little plastic bag to make it so delicious.
You ain't funny.

It's midnight, and you are trying to make me fat and stupid.
And I'm not falling for it.


But maybe tomorrow!
Call me then!

First Day of School

This morning we all woke up bright and early, and put on our best first-day-of-school outfits.

and documented it.

Here and Now

This weekend has been just perfect.
I am living in a house full of fun, happy people that I love.
We are all back now - I'm back, and glad. Justin is back from Officer Cadet School training, and we are glad to have him back. Our subletter Caroline made it safely and happily to us and it all makes for one happy, cozy household that I know I will love coming home to.

We cooked, watched movies, made quite a few mixers, danced, went to dinner, had a cheese and wine tasting, rode our bikes, played with the kittens for endless hours, went for walks and visited the farmer's market.

For the first time in my national college life, I feel truly content and happy with the people I am surrounded by. I am finally with people that enjoy my company and want to spend as much time with me as I do with them, and this has always been a strong thing pull for me - I need time with others. We don't necessarily have to be doing much, but I like being with them.
It's my real home away from home.

I have found my group, my niche.
I have no doubt that these wonderful people I am living with and are solid friends who care about me, just like I care about them. The best part is that these are people I trust, and know I can depend and lean on. Support is such a great gift from those around you.

I am going to be crazy busy making the life I want in the future happen - this includes my independent study, my bachelor's essay, my Malta research, my GRE, my MFA in dance performance/choreography auditions, etc. and working 2 separate jobs. All while thinking about choreography for the 2 big conventions I've been asked to choreograph for, when I'll be joining the Peace Corps, and getting my Ph.D in Anth (when and where!?)
But I'm happy. Of course I'm worried, I'm banking on a little bit of panicking, and I won't have as much time to exercise, but I think I will cherish all of the things I do have and the time I gain through productivity even more than I already do.

Tomorrow is the first day of my last year as an undergraduate.
I'm going to be freakin busy, so I hope it doesn't run away from me too quickly.

Looking back on it all, I'm glad I am at CofC, with the people I am with.
I can't imagine being as happy as I am now.

balance

I went with the parentals to see Eat, Pray, Love the other day (I def pushed the movie choice) and I loved it.
I marveled while she was in Italy - I was just there! So I could fo'sho relate to the things that she was seeing and doing. Water fountains, mounds of pizza, Piazza Navona, the Colosseum, sunsets on bridges - I was there less than one week ago and it was wonderful to see it from a different lens than my own.
It was wonderful to see someone else standing and looking around in awe.
I know what it feels like, and it is the most amazing feeling in the world.

I cried when she was in India - I was just there!
But I cried because I really do understand what it is like to see the madness that is India. It made me cry because I was so happy to see it again. I loved seeing the crowded streets, the turbaned heads, countless men on bikes, children in the streets, cows lumbering through traffic, women waltzing with baskets on their heads, colorful saris and early morning sun, the sunset casting a rosy glow over the people and smoke. I can still smell it.
I know what it feels like to step into a meditation session, to see the bodies in movement, the feel the vibrations of the chants through the walls and the body of the person next to you.
I miss seeing devotion, and people trying to be better because they want to be better people, because they understand that they can change their lives merely through the power of thought, kindness, forgiveness.
I miss feeling that the Universe really does understand. That I am part of the Universe and it is part of me. I miss trying to make that connection.
I miss trying to be that person.
I loved seeing the place that I love and miss so much.
There wasn't a single day I didn't wake up and just look around me, completely in awe of my surroundings, of my life.
There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think about India.

I consider this a good thing.
I am so wonderfully happy that I enjoyed my time in India.

I brought a lot of things back with me from India, but the one thing that I should have been on the lookout for the whole time, the one thing I should have tried harder to acquire, is balance.
I have plenty of outward balance.
I should have worked harder for inner peace, for clarity of mind, for connection with the universe and letting go of all my troubles, to let the universe take care of everything.



There was also this really funny, but relate-able preview (we LOVE previews and we refuse to miss them) where this guy is standing across from this man who is giving him really bad news and the guy says, "Stop. Just stop. Do you really want me to literally run away from my problems?"
and then he takes off running in the opposite direction.
I thought this was hysterical/poignant.
I would seriously love to literally run away from the things I consider problems/issues/concerns.
I want to figure out that space where I know what is important to worry, stress about, pout about, cry about, instead of the petty concerns and issues I have.
There are so many things I would like to just run away from as past as possible.

Nowadays, if I cry, they tend to be tears of happiness. This, I think, is a good thing.

just because I'm hurting doesn't mean I'm hurt

I don't tend to like Coldplay, but I really like their song, Lost.
Reminds me a but of U2, maybe?

Today I got a much appreciated phone call from my long lost friend, Jesse Lee.
He is certainly one of the people I wish hadn't disappeared in the great Move. There is nothing like picking up the phone to hear the voice of someone you haven't heard the voice of in 1, maybe 2 years and being able to pick up almost where you left off.

ok, more later.
sorry i'm always starting and never finishing.

PDA and pickpockets, venuses and penisus

Italy itself is an intriguing place.
But it wasn't until the end of the trip while looking up at the frescoes of the St. Agnes in Agony Chiese while listening to Baroque era music on the outskirts of Piazza Navona, however, that it struck me that once again, as it often does at the last minute, that I was doing one of those things that I had always always read about and fantasized doing. It truly occurred to me the level of amazing-ness that was happening. The centuries, the talent, the insight, the passion it had taken to produce what I was looking at, what I was able to appreciate, what I am able to appreciate now, in 2010.

Until last night, every day and night spent in Rome was simultaneously fun but far too trying to be appreciated. Rome is not my favorite place on earth.
Too many people - too many tourists, too many angry residents.
I spent my time being herded from place to place, and not always out of tour group choice.
I got too resentful of not being able to be, to stand, to think on my own because of the enormous mass of humanity who had no care for what was happening around them.

Rome, I have decided in another sweeping generalization, doesn't give a shit.
The people in Rome, they don't give a shit about you, or anybody else.
And while there, I didn't give a shit about anybody else, either.
And that is what I disliked about Rome the most.

In the short time span of one week in Rome, with some interspersed trips out of the city, I lost sight of my compassion and understanding and interest in human beings.
I cared as little for the next person as they did for me.
Mere coexistence.

I had always dreamed of staring up at The Creation. But seeing people on pamphlets and in books standing and gazing peacefully and thoughtfully, having the time to process and appreciate what they are seeing is very different from reality.
I was just another cow being herded around in unsanitary air conditions being knocked over by other cows that deserved to be standing in my much sought after position more than myself.
It seems to me that many of the things that are a Must See in Rome are being far too capitalized upon.
When visitors can't even enjoy what they are doing and seeing and would rather just Get Out than spend time appreciating what is there... something is wrong.

But this is just the first entry on my trip -
so many things happened, I can't put it all in right now.

A little taste:
Italians are PDA prone.
My father was pickpocketed and all of his money taken. In this manner, Rome sucks, and we couldn't
even walk around and enjoy doing certain things out of fear.
We took a lot of venus and penis gallery tours. Except for that one crazy priest who went around covering up genitalia and/or chopping it all off with a hammer, there were clearly a lot of lusty Romans/Italians who once upon a time had no qualms about nudity.
We took a wine tasting, and rented a car to tour around in.
That was quite the Adventure....

More to come!

I have left Pompeii.
I left after a delightful and exciting trip to both the old Pompeii ruins and a climb up Mt. Vesuvius.

I have returned to Rome to spend a night at a friend's and to pick up my parents.
Who have booked a hotel that is impossibly far away from the center of Rome in a fit of frustration and now we will have to do a lot more traveling than actually being in some place.
 

today I had a buon giorno

Which makes me laugh because I can just hear Brad Pitt in my mind, "Gratzi."

I found the mountains on the way to Pompeii.
Good thing, too, because I would have been headed in the wrong direction if I hadn't seen them.

I love the mountains.
I don't think I will ever go anywhere that will take over my fascination and adoration for a set of mountains.
Next to man, furry things, dancing, and trains, mountains amaze and entertain me to a never ending extent.

On that note, italian trains are 20x's more comfortable than Indian trains, the only thing I have to compare them to.
I've only been on IC (intercity trains), but I mean, each person has their own individual seat with a headrest and humongo windows on both sides to look out of. There are no transvestites, hawkers, beggar children, an entire family of 8 in your booth...
In fact, Italian trains are infinitely more boring than Indian trains for these reasons.
Except for all of the ugly feet.
I've yet to see pretty toes on any train in my entire life thus far.
This is more surprising in Italy than in India.

But comfiness is the price you pay in Europe.
Which is alot.
I traveled for 3 hours today - cost me 20 euros (approx. $25) as opposed to traveling 16 hours to Mumbai which cost, if I remember correctly, like rs. 800 ($16) which at the time, blew me away. Where I then survived, because I had enough money left over to buy myself food and shelter.
hm...


One thing that has yet to change - having to pay for your bodily functions. Which seriously sucks when you have to pee really badly, you can't find your change purse, you are lugging around luggage (traveling solo means you can't leave it with a friend) and the way into the bathroom requires you to push one of those bladder high bars around. I believe these are called turnstiles?
I declare war on these monstrosities.
Talk about torture.
That is just Italy's way of begging for people to start using the world as its bathroom.
What has changed - the level of cleanliness and bathroom standards.
Thanks, Europe, for always having a toilet and toilet paper.
You didn't provide me with a lifesaver, but they're pretty nice to have around.

Anyways, who was the deranged person who first thought that traveling around Europe after graduating from college was a smart thing?
There is absolutely no worst time to begin traveling and seeing the world and being financially strapped than when you are stuck between paying off student loans and having a real job with a real income.
But let's get this straight - this not so ground breaking revelation will not stop me.
What might stop me: my lack of pre-travel research.
So far, I've survived. I've yet to travel with any sort of travel guide or book.
I mean, I was in Rome for a day and just happened to walk up on the President's House and the Trevi Fountain. I didn't know.
I was hoping my parents would pick one up... (hinthint)
this place needs one, for sure.

So right. I am in Italy. I was in Rome. I took a train down the Amalfi Coast of Italy. I stood in Naples but got scared of all the scary things people say about Naples and went back in the train station.
I only had 45 minutes anyhow.
I'm now in Pompeii.
An attempt at specificity:
I am sitting on a roof overlooking the Pompeii scavi (ruins) listening to fireworks go off in the distance and listening to Jai Ho on my computer.

Until now, these places (mainly Rome and Pompeii) didn't exist. Kinda like Idaho, or Atlantis.
Myths.
When I was younger, I wanted to be a historian. I thought I would give tours in a museum or suffink.
When I was younger, I read a lot (A LOT) of books. A great number of them pertained to Greek/Roman mythology and natural disasters and life on the prairie and English royalty and pagan rituals.
Today, I read and looked at 3 of those things.
(I'm not going into detail about them because I looked at them from the gates - tomorrow is the big day!)
I remember being younger and stealing someone's book that were in my house on Pompeii, the great fire/earthquake of San Francisco, the Oregon Trail, the Dust Bowl, Egyptian pyramids, the Bubonic Plague, Mexican adobes, and then, oddly enough, Arabian Nights.
Which I don't think is historically significant for any reason outside of literature.

The point - I love this. Not just because it's cool, although it is. It is freaking awesome!
But I have an invested interest. This isn't just let's go look at the Pompeii ruins because they are world famous.
This takes me back. I can still see those early imagined images of what I thought the world looked like back then.
It reminds me of what is possible to achieve.
There was absolutely nothing more I desired than getting out of where I was.
Who thought I would be looking at the very things that I very seriously dreamed about seeing?
That I read about and thought about everyday?
I used to imagine these - now I am seeing them with my own two eyes and am just... I can't find a better term than "blown away" but that is what it is.
I am truly blown away by the sheer amazingness of everything the world has in it.
I mean, imagine growing up in the shadow of a volcano, then dying underneath all of the ask while performing paganish rituals to ward off the evil (in Pompeii, this sign was a phallic symbol...) only for people from THE FUTURE come and walk all over your home, up and down your walkway, peer into your doorways, listening to audio tapes of what has been deemed as the most important aspect of your community and way of life...
wow.

To end, sorry about the paragraphs. I'll cut up the space between them when I get some pics onto my computer.
And... some very important words I have learned out of survival:

treno = train
carrozza = car
posti = seat
 ciao = hello/goodbye




Before I get ahead of myself, the world can also be a horrible horrible place.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-10799539

"Bella? You go to disco tonight? Give me number, I come get you."

"No."

2 hours and 47 minutes after I stepped off the Leonardo Express from the Rome airport, going up and down multiple staircases trying to find the deposito bagagli section without looking like a major tourist, found the Presiden't House, walked around the main shopping district just looking up and around like my head was bobble head toy and had an entire conversation with a Italian man who could only speak Italian (when I ended the convo with "Grazzi." small smile, shoulder duck, hand wave. "Ciao Ciao!" He just laughed laughed laughed while walking away) but really wanted to tell me all of the important places on the map to go, I encountered one of them.

A greasy Italian man, (actually, this one wasn't really greasy, but he did have pigeon feathers stuck to his head somehow) the kind you are always warned about, right after they tell you that in Rome, you will be pickpocketed because the thieves here are super clever, just accept it, approached me as I was trying to decide if I should take the sign to some building that took me through a dark tunnel, or continue to stay on the large populated road I was already on.

Dilemma, because he was going in the way of the populated... lucky for me, my shoot down of the day (laugh in his face) and then say "No, thank you though. I'm waiting for others." sent him away before me. And I was able to escape unscathed.
If he had asked if I wanted a coffee (which I did) or to sit by a fountain (I would have loved to) and talk and then go for a moped ride like all other Italian love stories go (If this doesn't happen soon, I will be hijacking one), I would have said "YES!"
No, he asked me in Italian (which I don't understand but pretend that I do), then in English if I wanted to give him my phone number so we could go to the disco.
Sigh.
Maybe when I come back on Sunday my Italian surprise lover will be waiting for me.
On that note, I recommend never going to the Trevi Fountain by yourself. Go with someone, anyone.

I'm at my hostel now, an all female hostel.
Hostel life requires all kinds of strange attention.
Unlike where I was in Malta where sometimes I just wanted to hop on my computer... but then this guy from Spain wants to chat, this girl from Italy wants to share a table, the shower just went off I MUST GO BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES and where did my last fruit juice disappear to? Maybe it was the guy who never flushes the toilet and leaves the seat up... I wonder if I can pick out the guy who never flushes the toilet... You know what? I bet he has the bunk beneath mine.
AWESOME.

But I like it. Hostel life is pretty entertaining. And it is cheapish.
All you have to do is share a bathroom (ewww wet dirty bathroom floors are the absolute worstttt), kitchen, and interact with other people.
I think this is something my parents would hate.

Eating by yourself and figuring out a city by yourself are also interesting... mostly made up of the fact that while I sat eating dinner by myself, so were about 5 other people and because you end up taking a lot of pictures of yourself.
When you see something cool, if with a friend - "Hey, look at that! Woooooowwww." or "Ooo will you take a photo of me in front of that? No, actually, you get in here too."
Being with others doesn't result in Myspace photos.
Good thing my parents are coming!!
For other things too - like the fact that Europe ain't cheap.
And because this is their first time with passports and going international.
How exciting!! I'm so glad that they can share this with me this time!

Being on a the train today (just like anytime I'm doing something I can't imagine how/why doing) reminded me of how in absolute AWE I am over the world, and humanity.
Yes, humanity has its pitfalls - people can reallllly suck.
But sometimes, humanity has done great, amazing, mind blowing things that are just wow. Breathtaking.

I'm traveling without the cord to my camera.... therefor I cannot download the Rome pics from today and put them online.
But here is a picture from when I did have my cord and I took a trip to see an artist/sculpter who makes these out of clay, burlap, and chalk.

Allyn Wong is happy, but she is ready to move on to the next thing.

She is also sad for Tibet. After the few days she spent in the Himalayas surrounded on 3 sides by Tibet and Nepal, she wants the area, the mountains (her future home, what calls to her on a fairly daily basis) to remain remote and most of all, she wants the area to remain free.
There are beautiful, wonderful things happening up there, with beautiful, wonderful people at work.

China, back off.

Thanks!
Love, Allyn Wong

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/25/world/asia/25tibet.html?_r=1&partner=rss&emc=rss&src=igw

Relativity?

There are a lot of thoughts that cross my mind during the day.
Most of them are taken seriously, some with a grain of salt. 

Do I really need to put a headband on - I mean, really, who is seriously offended by someone else's bad hair? How far can I stretch this pair of underwear? If I can make it until the 26th, I have a washer and dryer that I can use to my heart's content. Speaking of heart's content, I could eat about 10 pastizzis right now, but I bet the bus man would jip me of my 3 cents just like he does every other day, so I'm not going to Victoria unless I really have to. And let's get this straight, a pastizzi/10 more lbs/new stain on my shirt is not a good enough solo reason to go to Victoria. Especially when I have so much trouble just getting the water to foam in the sink (or accepting that the powder in the Nutella jar is clothes detergent, not dish detergent). If I walk up that big hill to where the action is happening, how much booty am I gaining? As much as I lost in India? Only one way to find out... I have to go up there anyhow.

But no, seriously, better thoughts, other thoughts, more substantial thoughts cross my mind. These are either absorbed until I am glassy eyed and haven't left my chair for the last 2 hours. Or they are put on my checklist (that I make every single morning with many of the same topics as the day before) under either the "Short Term" section or the "Long Term" section and also deposited into the part of my brain that holds things until 1.) I have enough energy to go glassy eyed and push my little brain to its problem solving extreme or 2.) I make the time to actually do the important things on my list.

Either way, I bet my roomies think I'm the biggest junkie ever, because over the last few weeks, I've spent a lot of time sitting very still, but still probably sweating from the heat, and going glassy eyed while I mentally explore the ridiculous paths and avenues that my research might possibly take me and how I can prepare myself for that. And then I jump up like a crazy person who was just electrocuted and speed about because I had a brilliant idea that I desperately need to write down but I CANNOT FIND PAPER OR A PEN. But by this time I have made it through the front door and into the kitchen so I settle for a glass of apple juice and repeat the thought to myself for the next 20 minutes until I believe I can make it back to my room without forgetting my thought.
And then I check my emails for the 57th time that day to see if any of my informants have responded and make another list of appointments and sit down again to gather my thoughts on what I want to say to this or that person. All while secretly (maybe not so secretly) plotting on how to get into the church again to see that super cute guy whose name I forgot because, I suppose, I was lost in his eyes/curly hair/adorable smile when he told me his name. Or, maybe I forgot his name because I looked disgusting and I was cursing myself for not trying harder to look decent.
People ARE offended by bad hair and sweaty Americans, myself included.
Either way, this is not good.
But! Not all is lost!
Most of my informants are connected to the church - a trip to Victoria should be successful in many ways.

So! Some good has come out of my comatose junkie thinking ways - today I had a super cool session with my director and staff members who, even though I am terribly confused and have lots of questions and am not always sure where I am going with my research, were really supportive of what I had to say and what I was doing, gave me something concrete to think about, and some helpful suggestions. This is good. This I like. I don't feel as lost now, because if they say I am doing some of the right things, asking the right questions, experiencing real anthropologist things, being an anthropologist, and that they appreciate my work and progress and inquiries... then I must be doing ok. And I am not as bad off as I felt like I was.
I know there is definitely still stuff to do - interviews, academic journal readings and books to get, etc. etc. But it doesn't feel as daunting now.

I have realized that I like thinking outloud. I do like sitting very still and contemplating but I reallllllly like hashing things out with other people. Not like confrontation stuff, although I don't have a problem with it. No, I like opinions and suggestions and advice and I like when I can voice and share and learn from others. This makes me happy.
Yes. This I like.

So I didn't go anywhere today, but I was super productive in a way that I usually hate to be productive - by way of my computer. Sometimes my computer pulls me down into this weird cyber world where only 3 websites exist, yet they are the most entertaining to refreshrefreshrefresh and I don't get anywhere. And I have spent HOURS doing nothing that I wanted to do, yet just COULDN'T STOP doing.

Nope. Today, I sat down full of resolve to get this crap away from me and figured out my trip to Rome, before my family arrives.
It looks like this:
Leave Malta on the 28th
sleep overnight in Roma hostel
get train to Florence
stay for 2 days
come back to stay at hostel again
meet family on August 1st
have blastyblast!


Tomorrow I have lots of meetings and such in town and I will have a great time because today helped me figure out more directly where to go with my research instead of just doing research, which I think, is what I was doing.
Now, I have purpose.
I like having purpose.

Picture?

Success!!
Xlendi, my home away from home.