before I write about the past weekend/first individual India traveling experience, let me say
that as much as I love India
we visited several places this weekend that made me ache for home
and among the happy tears and sad tears (have you ever been about as far from home as one can get and been somewhere that makes you feel right at home? It is a very disconcerting feeling.) I discovered that I was homesick at moments
but also that I was beyond thrilled to be so far from home and could still find the calming beauty and comfort of home in the mere scenery
we visited mountains, and stayed in a valley
and it reminded me of being at LEAF, sitting in the valley, with the mist over the Blue Ridge Mountains, surrounded by tall, gorgeous hills
and the crisp cool air and scenic views and stops, the tops of trees tall and green, of the long winding road reminding me of the first mountain drive of springtime when the light flashes between the tree branches and warms my body and my soul
We walked through caves
and touched the cool underground rock
and took pictures of this gigantic underground formation
and felt our way along the rocks
and talked about how this is where the dwarves in Lord of the Rings would live
and it reminded me of a cave I went to at home once, when I was little
except it was quieter
and we probably had a guide
and the cave was wet, dripping
and it made me think about how fun it would be to go climbing or maybe kayaking
we walked along the beach
and it reminded me of Charleston
and while this was a very different beach - no historical houses, shacks instead
surrounded by hills, not marsh grasses
no fancy boats and yachts in ports, locals carrying their boats out to sea by bamboo shoulder lifts
no vacationers
but it was a beach, and it was full of life, and it was surrounded by palm trees, and I just wanted to hop on a bike and be carefree. Plus, the humid air gave me my Charleston hair back
and I love my Charleston hair
It reminded me of all of the things I will miss happening at home
and most of all, it all reminded me of what I could, maybe would, be doing if I were at home.
If I were home, I would be baking brownies for Riane's birthday that is on Wednesday. But probably not, because I wouldn't have the luck of knowing Riane.
But I hope I would be doing something just as happy as baking.
I would hope that my doors and windows would be wide open to let in the fresh air
Maybe I would be at the animal shelter, or driving to Columbia to meet my parents for lunch
I might be catching a theater performance with Steven
or maybe I would be on that carefree bike ride, without ever knowing and understanding what the term "carefree" really means
I might be getting coffee in Greenville with Kyle
Maybe I would be hiking through the woods with Caleb, or talking with Susan in the car on the way to a dance
I could possibly be sitting on a stool in the kitchen talking to dad while he cooks for a small family weekend gathering, mentioning things to mom as she whizzes past cleaning
Perhaps I would be in the studio working on choreography for the spring show, or maybe for ACDF
or playing a little piano
I might be lying in my bed watching Sunday Morning and eating a big bowl of granola with raisins
or on a long run along the Battery
I might be laughing with Becca in the kitchen or attempting to finish painting my table
I might just be sitting on my back porch at my precious porch table my parents bought me and reading a book and eating yogurt.
Perhaps Hayley, Deandra and I are rendevous-ing, reminiscing about the good ole' days
Maybe I would be downing a humongous glass of soy milk just because I could
I might be at home in Inman, petting my dogs, hugging on the cats, staring at the mountains, loving home but thinking about all of the places I would love to go, and all of the things I could learn and do elsewhere
but I would probably be plotting my escape from what I have always known, and things that I always know will be there when I need when, and even when I don't.
But I certainly do not take home for granted
because just like everyone else in the world, I love home because it familiar. and for me, home is also filled with love and support.
and I am lucky enough that all of that love and support and happy thoughts and feelings and experiences has followed me to India, giving me something to hold to, not to run away from.
and certainly not to dwell on. certainly not to dwell on.
Even with all of that said, I don't think it is a bad thing to realize all of the things you have. While I feel bad about missing petty things like bike rides and mountain views and animals I can touch and a cute apartment and a car and stability, I think it is ok to miss it. I would certainly be taking home and everything it has to offer for granted.
Being so far away really gives you the chance to take a step back.
and because when I think about it, I'm going back.
And then I'll miss India and everything that India offers that home could never, ever come close to offering.
But I'll get to that when it comes.
