I have the strange feeling of being homesick, without being homesick.
I guess I feel like something is missing, something important.
I have some longing, but I do not know what for.
It feels like some kind of change is there, but I do not know what change could happen.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I played the lying down game by myself the other day.
Which I think is a hysterical game, I just never thought I would play it so... impromptu.
Literally, if someone had taken a picture of the sleep crash I took halfway on my bed, they would have thought I was posing for the sake of the game, I did it so well.
Alas, the only remnants of my unexpected face down semi coma was the half finished text I didn't manage to send off, my super dry mouth from sleeping facedown on a cotton tapestry, and a growling stomach from missing dinner.
Fair warning - You may have gotten me this time, lying down game, but I'll be prepared next time.
http://www.lyingdowngame.net/
Which I think is a hysterical game, I just never thought I would play it so... impromptu.
Literally, if someone had taken a picture of the sleep crash I took halfway on my bed, they would have thought I was posing for the sake of the game, I did it so well.
Alas, the only remnants of my unexpected face down semi coma was the half finished text I didn't manage to send off, my super dry mouth from sleeping facedown on a cotton tapestry, and a growling stomach from missing dinner.
Fair warning - You may have gotten me this time, lying down game, but I'll be prepared next time.
http://www.lyingdowngame.net/
Sunday, October 3, 2010
dayclean
Or in more understandable terms - Good morning!
I went to visit Poggy at Edisto over the weekend and just like always, I remembered how lucky I am to have such an amazing family. She went on a tour and learned some Gullah words - this is the one she shared with me.
What a great term - dayclean.
Completely exemplifies that concept of waking up with a clean slate, of sleeping it off, of picking up the pieces after getting some rest.
The way to Edisto is beautiful and we took advantage of the cooler weather and sunny afternoon and spent as much of our time together outside as we could, soaking up the happiness.
Poggy's friends were super cute, clearly having a blast at the beach, a total girl's weekend and were so welcoming, I couldn't help but take nap on their porch after a delish lunch.
They even made me a little bed of towels.
I can't wait until I can have those, even though the idea of not living at the beach with my girls taking a break from schoolwork to catch some rays plain terrifies me.
One thing I remembered thinking was that I would love to have a big family of women that we could all go to the beach and sit around in white washed beach chairs in blankets.
How Yaya sisterhood of me.
And it made me miss my momma.
Time management is something that is of extreme importance these days, and I am working to find that balance so I don't have freakouts about everything and so I can feel like a whole, complete person who is able to throw themselves fully into everything they do without getting overwhelmed by taking on too much, so as not to miss out on anything.
But there is such a thing as missing out on everything because of doing everything - it all depends on the things that you want to be a part of.
I hate missing out on stuff.
Things I hate - apathy, and doing a halfway job.
These are things I am afraid will happen if I see myself sinking, unable to handle what I have decided to take on.
I am pretty spontaneous in taking on new things, and I like a challenge, but I can get discouraged easily if I think too hard about something or if one thing goes wrong, I can immediately see how something will never work out for me. I don't give in then, but I don't pursue it with such passion as I might once have.
I have to keep those thoughts and emotions at bay.
I don't see this being a problem with the things I am currently dealing with, because a large portion on my time is doing research on pagan rituals and then thinking about choreography and going to rehearsals.
That is what I want to do with my life.
If only I didn't have things like biological anthropology and archaeology in my way, I would be a super happy individual.
I would be perfectly content with doing research, writing papers, dancing, and spending time with my friends.
I hope this is a preview of my life after this year.
I went to visit Poggy at Edisto over the weekend and just like always, I remembered how lucky I am to have such an amazing family. She went on a tour and learned some Gullah words - this is the one she shared with me.
What a great term - dayclean.
Completely exemplifies that concept of waking up with a clean slate, of sleeping it off, of picking up the pieces after getting some rest.
The way to Edisto is beautiful and we took advantage of the cooler weather and sunny afternoon and spent as much of our time together outside as we could, soaking up the happiness.
Poggy's friends were super cute, clearly having a blast at the beach, a total girl's weekend and were so welcoming, I couldn't help but take nap on their porch after a delish lunch.
They even made me a little bed of towels.
I can't wait until I can have those, even though the idea of not living at the beach with my girls taking a break from schoolwork to catch some rays plain terrifies me.
One thing I remembered thinking was that I would love to have a big family of women that we could all go to the beach and sit around in white washed beach chairs in blankets.
How Yaya sisterhood of me.
And it made me miss my momma.
Time management is something that is of extreme importance these days, and I am working to find that balance so I don't have freakouts about everything and so I can feel like a whole, complete person who is able to throw themselves fully into everything they do without getting overwhelmed by taking on too much, so as not to miss out on anything.
But there is such a thing as missing out on everything because of doing everything - it all depends on the things that you want to be a part of.
I hate missing out on stuff.
Things I hate - apathy, and doing a halfway job.
These are things I am afraid will happen if I see myself sinking, unable to handle what I have decided to take on.
I am pretty spontaneous in taking on new things, and I like a challenge, but I can get discouraged easily if I think too hard about something or if one thing goes wrong, I can immediately see how something will never work out for me. I don't give in then, but I don't pursue it with such passion as I might once have.
I have to keep those thoughts and emotions at bay.
I don't see this being a problem with the things I am currently dealing with, because a large portion on my time is doing research on pagan rituals and then thinking about choreography and going to rehearsals.
That is what I want to do with my life.
If only I didn't have things like biological anthropology and archaeology in my way, I would be a super happy individual.
I would be perfectly content with doing research, writing papers, dancing, and spending time with my friends.
I hope this is a preview of my life after this year.
Friday, October 1, 2010
busy days
The worst part about being so busy, is not that I am super busy, its that I do not feel as if I have enough time to be as creative as I need to be for the things I have been asked to do.
I don't have the time to put the brain power behind it.
But the best part about being as stressed out as I feel these days, is that I cherish the moments that I do get even more. Some glimpses of what I like about my downtime.
I don't have the time to put the brain power behind it.
But the best part about being as stressed out as I feel these days, is that I cherish the moments that I do get even more. Some glimpses of what I like about my downtime.
Beautiful flowers that brighten my day.
This little dude who wakes me up, waits for me to come home, sleeps in the cutest positions, and watches me brush my teeth. He also likes watching the toilet swirl and crawling in the shower while I'm in there. Endless hours of entertainment for the both of us.
Amazing dinners on the backporch with my wonderful roommates.
The benefits of anxiety issues - satisfaction at the end of it all.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
oh yea
today at work i was so flustered
that I answered the phone
"thank you for calling Allyn, how can I help you?"
and proceeded to have the wrong calendar up for the reservation the man wanted and we had a little calendar tustle over the date.
He was correct.
it made me laugh so hard I was crying.
that I answered the phone
"thank you for calling Allyn, how can I help you?"
and proceeded to have the wrong calendar up for the reservation the man wanted and we had a little calendar tustle over the date.
He was correct.
it made me laugh so hard I was crying.
makin' do
with whatcha got is hard shit.
You oughta know what I mean and I refuse to explain.
makin' do with whatcha got is tough.
You oughta know what I mean and I refuse to explain.
makin' do with whatcha got is tough.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Family traditions never get old
There are a lot of things I love.
Among them are get togethers and family, traveling and meeting new people, and recently,
being domestic.
As in, I really enjoy cooking, and decorating my space, to make it feel like my very own home.
And I want it to look lived in, I want it to reflect my past, my roots, my interests, my loves.
And when I travel, I make it a point to not forget where I came from and what I love about home, to take a little piece of what I have learned growing up with me wherever I go.
And so get togethers with family that I love, in beautiful places with lots of yummy food... it just all makes me very happy.
Luckily, I come from a family that also loves and even throws great get togethers, whether for a reason, or just because it is high time to get together, eat yummy food, meet people that know you but you don't know them, and just catch up and laugh, an inevitable part of being together.
This weekend I headed into the middle of nowhere for a birthday party for the Pog.
The Pog was beautiful, just like she has always been.
She has always been the most elegant lady I've known.
The house was beautiful, because my aunt is a wonderful decorator, who really utilizes what she has and makes it look its best.
I think it is high time for a Southern Living nomination.
To boot, she is a great hostess!
And what made the house even more beautiful was that its surroundings were in full bloom.
The middle of nowhere is beautiful.
The middle of nowhere has been in my family for a while - in fact, the middle of nowhere pretty much consists of my family. But my family has deep roots in this place, and so when I go there, despite how much I dislike the middle of nowhere, I get caught up in the history, and mystery, and potential of the place and how I can carry little pieces of that place and all it means to my family with me wherever I happen to be going.
A few glimpses of the weekend:
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
ballet
You know have returned to the world of ballet when your teacher asks you why you aren't as flexible as a few days ago, you tell them you have a big knot above your left cheek and are taking it easy, and they proceed to pull you off the ground, and punch you multiple times in the butt, declaring that they are fixing the problem.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
lately
Been busy, yessss.
An update:
babies got a bath. We had rats for a little while. They like us more now than they did a few days ago.
Eva and I went to the beach on Saturday.
I took a test in Archaeology and a quiz in Biological Anthropology today.
I survived.
I know, I'm surprised, too.
Anddd I absolutely love doing floor/ground work in dance.
It just feels so natural, so earthy, so full.
An update:
babies got a bath. We had rats for a little while. They like us more now than they did a few days ago.
Eva and I went to the beach on Saturday.
I took a test in Archaeology and a quiz in Biological Anthropology today.
I survived.
I know, I'm surprised, too.
Anddd I absolutely love doing floor/ground work in dance.
It just feels so natural, so earthy, so full.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
wonders never cease
It was deceiving in India, yes.
Cutting up a real life pineapple is not as easy as the average Indian street vendor makes it seem.
No sir, it is not.
I'm missing it. I am missing India.
I am missing traveling.
I am missing the people and the sights and the excitement.
I miss taking pictures.
I'm getting scared that everything I want is too far out of reach.
I want my masters, my Ph.D, the Peace Corps.
And before that I want my choreography for the fall to be amazing - I want it to feel right, not just look technically right. I want my GRE scores to be fantastic. So I don't have to take it more than once. I want all of the fleas to stop irritating my babies and get my roommates off my back. I want to finish Biological Anthropology confidently. And I want a banjo.
ok. go.
Cutting up a real life pineapple is not as easy as the average Indian street vendor makes it seem.
No sir, it is not.
I'm missing it. I am missing India.
I am missing traveling.
I am missing the people and the sights and the excitement.
I miss taking pictures.
I'm getting scared that everything I want is too far out of reach.
I want my masters, my Ph.D, the Peace Corps.
And before that I want my choreography for the fall to be amazing - I want it to feel right, not just look technically right. I want my GRE scores to be fantastic. So I don't have to take it more than once. I want all of the fleas to stop irritating my babies and get my roommates off my back. I want to finish Biological Anthropology confidently. And I want a banjo.
ok. go.
Monday, September 6, 2010
This weekend was another one of those great happy weekends.
long evening walks
french food and cold coffees
sunsets
auditions ("Raise your hand if you want to be in the modern piece... I know Allyn does." "WTF?")
funny movies (please watch The Men Who Stare at Goats.)
and a John Dillenger gangsta movie (loud)
cooking and eating on the back porch (Justin's request - asparagus)
pretzels with peanut butter (Justin ate a lot)
Hairspray the musical ("You can't stop the motion of the ocean...")
desserts at Kaminsky's ("you've been here before, right?" "...Yes.")
and then -
my mataji showed up and i loooooved having her here!
It was her birfday weekend wif me and so she got flowers and then she bought a wine opener for us because we broke the last one, and then I was supposed to sneak get her coffee/breakfast in bed but was unsuccessful because she got up and we went for breakfast at the Sweetwater Cafe -grits, eggs, hashbrowns, coffee, english muffin (to share of course).
Went to the beach and walked straight through the bocce ball tourny - got washed away by the water - went for dinner at Vickery's and watched a wedding across the creek - inevitably couldn't convince her to stay.
She never called to say she got home.
I hate when she leaves.
long evening walks
french food and cold coffees
sunsets
auditions ("Raise your hand if you want to be in the modern piece... I know Allyn does." "WTF?")
funny movies (please watch The Men Who Stare at Goats.)
and a John Dillenger gangsta movie (loud)
cooking and eating on the back porch (Justin's request - asparagus)
pretzels with peanut butter (Justin ate a lot)
Hairspray the musical ("You can't stop the motion of the ocean...")
desserts at Kaminsky's ("you've been here before, right?" "...Yes.")
and then -
my mataji showed up and i loooooved having her here!
It was her birfday weekend wif me and so she got flowers and then she bought a wine opener for us because we broke the last one, and then I was supposed to sneak get her coffee/breakfast in bed but was unsuccessful because she got up and we went for breakfast at the Sweetwater Cafe -grits, eggs, hashbrowns, coffee, english muffin (to share of course).
Went to the beach and walked straight through the bocce ball tourny - got washed away by the water - went for dinner at Vickery's and watched a wedding across the creek - inevitably couldn't convince her to stay.
She never called to say she got home.
I hate when she leaves.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sometimes, it's hard to get your work done around here.
I mean, c'mon.
One thing I have always known, but is constantly being reinforced, is how much I need something to pick up and cuddle around its neck. Someone that knows when I'm happy, knows when I'm sad, knows when I would rather be playing with them, knows that I'll lock them out of my room and they will still love me in 2 days.
My kitties are so comforting, it's ridiculous.
So, I think CofC needs to be reminded that 4 pm is tea time. I've yet to find a chai shop, my bicycle is actually comfortable and I'm not about to die every time I get on it, I'm having trouble getting credits for the yoga class I took (don't they know that yoga is a very legitimate, very real, very true, very wonderful class? Doesn't CofC know that they need happy, centered, balanced students before they can expect good grades in classes that aren't their students specialty?) I've yet to be blocked on my way to class by man, bus, by concrete, or by cow. I don't sweat through my entire class, I don't have to carry a towel to class, nor do I have to hide my sweaty thighs on my way out of class from other students with sweaty leg stains too. My teachers don't chant, they don't sing, they don't emphasize words the way I like, they don't bless and thank the earth for letting us stomp on them, their toes and finger tips aren't red, they don't have nose rings, they don't walk around barefoot, not a single one of them has a creepy moustache, they don't demand we get water for them, and in fact, nobody from downstairs brings them glasses of water and tea. I'm not getting my recommended intake of naan, aloo gobi, daal, or milk bikis, and I have far too much reading. My teachers respond to their emails too promptly and dress boring. I have too many clothing and shoe options, and so it takes me wayyy too long to get dressed, and my bookbag is super heavy because each of my classes requires a notebook and 3 textbooks each. I have classes on Fridays, and no mindblowing, absolutely jawdropping gorgeous weekend plans of ancient mystery. My hair doesn'
t curl on its own, and I've eaten my fingers to nubs because I don't have wonderful henna on my hands.
Most of all - I don't take it nearly as seriously. I mean, I'm serious. Serious, and stressed, and hopeful, and excited, and determined.
But I was connected to myself and my life, and I don't always feel it now.
I'm connected in a very different way.
Here, I'm all business. Get things done - this is how you succeed.
My priorities are wonky.
At one point in time I understood the importance of yoga and meditation in daily life, of thanking the earth for its time and patience, of approaching others with grace and compassion.
I still understand it, but I do not employ it like I should.
It's disappearing from me. My experiences are fading.
Everything I learned, I'm having trouble putting it into practice.
I mean, c'mon.
One thing I have always known, but is constantly being reinforced, is how much I need something to pick up and cuddle around its neck. Someone that knows when I'm happy, knows when I'm sad, knows when I would rather be playing with them, knows that I'll lock them out of my room and they will still love me in 2 days.
My kitties are so comforting, it's ridiculous.
So, I think CofC needs to be reminded that 4 pm is tea time. I've yet to find a chai shop, my bicycle is actually comfortable and I'm not about to die every time I get on it, I'm having trouble getting credits for the yoga class I took (don't they know that yoga is a very legitimate, very real, very true, very wonderful class? Doesn't CofC know that they need happy, centered, balanced students before they can expect good grades in classes that aren't their students specialty?) I've yet to be blocked on my way to class by man, bus, by concrete, or by cow. I don't sweat through my entire class, I don't have to carry a towel to class, nor do I have to hide my sweaty thighs on my way out of class from other students with sweaty leg stains too. My teachers don't chant, they don't sing, they don't emphasize words the way I like, they don't bless and thank the earth for letting us stomp on them, their toes and finger tips aren't red, they don't have nose rings, they don't walk around barefoot, not a single one of them has a creepy moustache, they don't demand we get water for them, and in fact, nobody from downstairs brings them glasses of water and tea. I'm not getting my recommended intake of naan, aloo gobi, daal, or milk bikis, and I have far too much reading. My teachers respond to their emails too promptly and dress boring. I have too many clothing and shoe options, and so it takes me wayyy too long to get dressed, and my bookbag is super heavy because each of my classes requires a notebook and 3 textbooks each. I have classes on Fridays, and no mindblowing, absolutely jawdropping gorgeous weekend plans of ancient mystery. My hair doesn'
t curl on its own, and I've eaten my fingers to nubs because I don't have wonderful henna on my hands.
Most of all - I don't take it nearly as seriously. I mean, I'm serious. Serious, and stressed, and hopeful, and excited, and determined.
But I was connected to myself and my life, and I don't always feel it now.
I'm connected in a very different way.
Here, I'm all business. Get things done - this is how you succeed.
My priorities are wonky.
At one point in time I understood the importance of yoga and meditation in daily life, of thanking the earth for its time and patience, of approaching others with grace and compassion.
I still understand it, but I do not employ it like I should.
It's disappearing from me. My experiences are fading.
Everything I learned, I'm having trouble putting it into practice.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
my eyeballs are killing me
And I think it is because sometimes I sleep with my eyes open.
... how romantic.
Fact of the day - sleeping with your eyes open does not mean that you are getting a good night's sleep.
If it did, I doubt I would have dosed off 6+ times today.
Do you?
Week 2 ---> My classes are confusing me.
Hebrew text class:
"In the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth..."
Biological Anthropology class:
"According to the Big Bang Theory..."
My only conclusion after reading both arguments:
This is a test from the universe.
And she thinks she's reeaaal funny.
Craving of the day:
Ramen noodles.
Conclusion?
Back off, Universe. I know how much sodium you packed in that little plastic bag to make it so delicious.
You ain't funny.
It's midnight, and you are trying to make me fat and stupid.
And I'm not falling for it.
But maybe tomorrow!
Call me then!
... how romantic.
Fact of the day - sleeping with your eyes open does not mean that you are getting a good night's sleep.
If it did, I doubt I would have dosed off 6+ times today.
Do you?
Week 2 ---> My classes are confusing me.
Hebrew text class:
"In the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth..."
Biological Anthropology class:
"According to the Big Bang Theory..."
My only conclusion after reading both arguments:
This is a test from the universe.
And she thinks she's reeaaal funny.
Craving of the day:
Ramen noodles.
Conclusion?
Back off, Universe. I know how much sodium you packed in that little plastic bag to make it so delicious.
You ain't funny.
It's midnight, and you are trying to make me fat and stupid.
And I'm not falling for it.
But maybe tomorrow!
Call me then!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
First Day of School
This morning we all woke up bright and early, and put on our best first-day-of-school outfits.
and documented it.
Here and Now
This weekend has been just perfect.
I am living in a house full of fun, happy people that I love.
We are all back now - I'm back, and glad. Justin is back from Officer Cadet School training, and we are glad to have him back. Our subletter Caroline made it safely and happily to us and it all makes for one happy, cozy household that I know I will love coming home to.
We cooked, watched movies, made quite a few mixers, danced, went to dinner, had a cheese and wine tasting, rode our bikes, played with the kittens for endless hours, went for walks and visited the farmer's market.
For the first time in my national college life, I feel truly content and happy with the people I am surrounded by. I am finally with people that enjoy my company and want to spend as much time with me as I do with them, and this has always been a strong thing pull for me - I need time with others. We don't necessarily have to be doing much, but I like being with them.
It's my real home away from home.
I have found my group, my niche.
I have no doubt that these wonderful people I am living with and are solid friends who care about me, just like I care about them. The best part is that these are people I trust, and know I can depend and lean on. Support is such a great gift from those around you.
I am going to be crazy busy making the life I want in the future happen - this includes my independent study, my bachelor's essay, my Malta research, my GRE, my MFA in dance performance/choreography auditions, etc. and working 2 separate jobs. All while thinking about choreography for the 2 big conventions I've been asked to choreograph for, when I'll be joining the Peace Corps, and getting my Ph.D in Anth (when and where!?)
But I'm happy. Of course I'm worried, I'm banking on a little bit of panicking, and I won't have as much time to exercise, but I think I will cherish all of the things I do have and the time I gain through productivity even more than I already do.
Tomorrow is the first day of my last year as an undergraduate.
I'm going to be freakin busy, so I hope it doesn't run away from me too quickly.
Looking back on it all, I'm glad I am at CofC, with the people I am with.
I can't imagine being as happy as I am now.
I am living in a house full of fun, happy people that I love.
We are all back now - I'm back, and glad. Justin is back from Officer Cadet School training, and we are glad to have him back. Our subletter Caroline made it safely and happily to us and it all makes for one happy, cozy household that I know I will love coming home to.
We cooked, watched movies, made quite a few mixers, danced, went to dinner, had a cheese and wine tasting, rode our bikes, played with the kittens for endless hours, went for walks and visited the farmer's market.
For the first time in my national college life, I feel truly content and happy with the people I am surrounded by. I am finally with people that enjoy my company and want to spend as much time with me as I do with them, and this has always been a strong thing pull for me - I need time with others. We don't necessarily have to be doing much, but I like being with them.
It's my real home away from home.
I have found my group, my niche.
I have no doubt that these wonderful people I am living with and are solid friends who care about me, just like I care about them. The best part is that these are people I trust, and know I can depend and lean on. Support is such a great gift from those around you.
I am going to be crazy busy making the life I want in the future happen - this includes my independent study, my bachelor's essay, my Malta research, my GRE, my MFA in dance performance/choreography auditions, etc. and working 2 separate jobs. All while thinking about choreography for the 2 big conventions I've been asked to choreograph for, when I'll be joining the Peace Corps, and getting my Ph.D in Anth (when and where!?)
But I'm happy. Of course I'm worried, I'm banking on a little bit of panicking, and I won't have as much time to exercise, but I think I will cherish all of the things I do have and the time I gain through productivity even more than I already do.
Tomorrow is the first day of my last year as an undergraduate.
I'm going to be freakin busy, so I hope it doesn't run away from me too quickly.
Looking back on it all, I'm glad I am at CofC, with the people I am with.
I can't imagine being as happy as I am now.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
balance
I went with the parentals to see Eat, Pray, Love the other day (I def pushed the movie choice) and I loved it.
I marveled while she was in Italy - I was just there! So I could fo'sho relate to the things that she was seeing and doing. Water fountains, mounds of pizza, Piazza Navona, the Colosseum, sunsets on bridges - I was there less than one week ago and it was wonderful to see it from a different lens than my own.
It was wonderful to see someone else standing and looking around in awe.
I know what it feels like, and it is the most amazing feeling in the world.
I cried when she was in India - I was just there!
But I cried because I really do understand what it is like to see the madness that is India. It made me cry because I was so happy to see it again. I loved seeing the crowded streets, the turbaned heads, countless men on bikes, children in the streets, cows lumbering through traffic, women waltzing with baskets on their heads, colorful saris and early morning sun, the sunset casting a rosy glow over the people and smoke. I can still smell it.
I know what it feels like to step into a meditation session, to see the bodies in movement, the feel the vibrations of the chants through the walls and the body of the person next to you.
I miss seeing devotion, and people trying to be better because they want to be better people, because they understand that they can change their lives merely through the power of thought, kindness, forgiveness.
I miss feeling that the Universe really does understand. That I am part of the Universe and it is part of me. I miss trying to make that connection.
I miss trying to be that person.
I loved seeing the place that I love and miss so much.
There wasn't a single day I didn't wake up and just look around me, completely in awe of my surroundings, of my life.
There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think about India.
I consider this a good thing.
I am so wonderfully happy that I enjoyed my time in India.
I brought a lot of things back with me from India, but the one thing that I should have been on the lookout for the whole time, the one thing I should have tried harder to acquire, is balance.
I have plenty of outward balance.
I should have worked harder for inner peace, for clarity of mind, for connection with the universe and letting go of all my troubles, to let the universe take care of everything.
There was also this really funny, but relate-able preview (we LOVE previews and we refuse to miss them) where this guy is standing across from this man who is giving him really bad news and the guy says, "Stop. Just stop. Do you really want me to literally run away from my problems?"
and then he takes off running in the opposite direction.
I thought this was hysterical/poignant.
I would seriously love to literally run away from the things I consider problems/issues/concerns.
I want to figure out that space where I know what is important to worry, stress about, pout about, cry about, instead of the petty concerns and issues I have.
There are so many things I would like to just run away from as past as possible.
I marveled while she was in Italy - I was just there! So I could fo'sho relate to the things that she was seeing and doing. Water fountains, mounds of pizza, Piazza Navona, the Colosseum, sunsets on bridges - I was there less than one week ago and it was wonderful to see it from a different lens than my own.
It was wonderful to see someone else standing and looking around in awe.
I know what it feels like, and it is the most amazing feeling in the world.
I cried when she was in India - I was just there!
But I cried because I really do understand what it is like to see the madness that is India. It made me cry because I was so happy to see it again. I loved seeing the crowded streets, the turbaned heads, countless men on bikes, children in the streets, cows lumbering through traffic, women waltzing with baskets on their heads, colorful saris and early morning sun, the sunset casting a rosy glow over the people and smoke. I can still smell it.
I know what it feels like to step into a meditation session, to see the bodies in movement, the feel the vibrations of the chants through the walls and the body of the person next to you.
I miss seeing devotion, and people trying to be better because they want to be better people, because they understand that they can change their lives merely through the power of thought, kindness, forgiveness.
I miss feeling that the Universe really does understand. That I am part of the Universe and it is part of me. I miss trying to make that connection.
I miss trying to be that person.
I loved seeing the place that I love and miss so much.
There wasn't a single day I didn't wake up and just look around me, completely in awe of my surroundings, of my life.
There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think about India.
I consider this a good thing.
I am so wonderfully happy that I enjoyed my time in India.
I brought a lot of things back with me from India, but the one thing that I should have been on the lookout for the whole time, the one thing I should have tried harder to acquire, is balance.
I have plenty of outward balance.
I should have worked harder for inner peace, for clarity of mind, for connection with the universe and letting go of all my troubles, to let the universe take care of everything.
There was also this really funny, but relate-able preview (we LOVE previews and we refuse to miss them) where this guy is standing across from this man who is giving him really bad news and the guy says, "Stop. Just stop. Do you really want me to literally run away from my problems?"
and then he takes off running in the opposite direction.
I thought this was hysterical/poignant.
I would seriously love to literally run away from the things I consider problems/issues/concerns.
I want to figure out that space where I know what is important to worry, stress about, pout about, cry about, instead of the petty concerns and issues I have.
There are so many things I would like to just run away from as past as possible.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
just because I'm hurting doesn't mean I'm hurt
I don't tend to like Coldplay, but I really like their song, Lost.
Reminds me a but of U2, maybe?
Today I got a much appreciated phone call from my long lost friend, Jesse Lee.
He is certainly one of the people I wish hadn't disappeared in the great Move. There is nothing like picking up the phone to hear the voice of someone you haven't heard the voice of in 1, maybe 2 years and being able to pick up almost where you left off.
ok, more later.
sorry i'm always starting and never finishing.
Reminds me a but of U2, maybe?
Today I got a much appreciated phone call from my long lost friend, Jesse Lee.
He is certainly one of the people I wish hadn't disappeared in the great Move. There is nothing like picking up the phone to hear the voice of someone you haven't heard the voice of in 1, maybe 2 years and being able to pick up almost where you left off.
ok, more later.
sorry i'm always starting and never finishing.
Monday, August 9, 2010
PDA and pickpockets, venuses and penisus
Italy itself is an intriguing place.
But it wasn't until the end of the trip while looking up at the frescoes of the St. Agnes in Agony Chiese while listening to Baroque era music on the outskirts of Piazza Navona, however, that it struck me that once again, as it often does at the last minute, that I was doing one of those things that I had always always read about and fantasized doing. It truly occurred to me the level of amazing-ness that was happening. The centuries, the talent, the insight, the passion it had taken to produce what I was looking at, what I was able to appreciate, what I am able to appreciate now, in 2010.
Until last night, every day and night spent in Rome was simultaneously fun but far too trying to be appreciated. Rome is not my favorite place on earth.
Too many people - too many tourists, too many angry residents.
I spent my time being herded from place to place, and not always out of tour group choice.
I got too resentful of not being able to be, to stand, to think on my own because of the enormous mass of humanity who had no care for what was happening around them.
Rome, I have decided in another sweeping generalization, doesn't give a shit.
The people in Rome, they don't give a shit about you, or anybody else.
And while there, I didn't give a shit about anybody else, either.
And that is what I disliked about Rome the most.
In the short time span of one week in Rome, with some interspersed trips out of the city, I lost sight of my compassion and understanding and interest in human beings.
I cared as little for the next person as they did for me.
Mere coexistence.
I had always dreamed of staring up at The Creation. But seeing people on pamphlets and in books standing and gazing peacefully and thoughtfully, having the time to process and appreciate what they are seeing is very different from reality.
I was just another cow being herded around in unsanitary air conditions being knocked over by other cows that deserved to be standing in my much sought after position more than myself.
It seems to me that many of the things that are a Must See in Rome are being far too capitalized upon.
When visitors can't even enjoy what they are doing and seeing and would rather just Get Out than spend time appreciating what is there... something is wrong.
But this is just the first entry on my trip -
so many things happened, I can't put it all in right now.
A little taste:
Italians are PDA prone.
My father was pickpocketed and all of his money taken. In this manner, Rome sucks, and we couldn't
even walk around and enjoy doing certain things out of fear.
We took a lot of venus and penis gallery tours. Except for that one crazy priest who went around covering up genitalia and/or chopping it all off with a hammer, there were clearly a lot of lusty Romans/Italians who once upon a time had no qualms about nudity.
We took a wine tasting, and rented a car to tour around in.
That was quite the Adventure....
More to come!
But it wasn't until the end of the trip while looking up at the frescoes of the St. Agnes in Agony Chiese while listening to Baroque era music on the outskirts of Piazza Navona, however, that it struck me that once again, as it often does at the last minute, that I was doing one of those things that I had always always read about and fantasized doing. It truly occurred to me the level of amazing-ness that was happening. The centuries, the talent, the insight, the passion it had taken to produce what I was looking at, what I was able to appreciate, what I am able to appreciate now, in 2010.
Until last night, every day and night spent in Rome was simultaneously fun but far too trying to be appreciated. Rome is not my favorite place on earth.
Too many people - too many tourists, too many angry residents.
I spent my time being herded from place to place, and not always out of tour group choice.
I got too resentful of not being able to be, to stand, to think on my own because of the enormous mass of humanity who had no care for what was happening around them.
Rome, I have decided in another sweeping generalization, doesn't give a shit.
The people in Rome, they don't give a shit about you, or anybody else.
And while there, I didn't give a shit about anybody else, either.
And that is what I disliked about Rome the most.
In the short time span of one week in Rome, with some interspersed trips out of the city, I lost sight of my compassion and understanding and interest in human beings.
I cared as little for the next person as they did for me.
Mere coexistence.
I had always dreamed of staring up at The Creation. But seeing people on pamphlets and in books standing and gazing peacefully and thoughtfully, having the time to process and appreciate what they are seeing is very different from reality.
I was just another cow being herded around in unsanitary air conditions being knocked over by other cows that deserved to be standing in my much sought after position more than myself.
It seems to me that many of the things that are a Must See in Rome are being far too capitalized upon.
When visitors can't even enjoy what they are doing and seeing and would rather just Get Out than spend time appreciating what is there... something is wrong.
But this is just the first entry on my trip -
so many things happened, I can't put it all in right now.
A little taste:
Italians are PDA prone.
My father was pickpocketed and all of his money taken. In this manner, Rome sucks, and we couldn't
even walk around and enjoy doing certain things out of fear.
We took a lot of venus and penis gallery tours. Except for that one crazy priest who went around covering up genitalia and/or chopping it all off with a hammer, there were clearly a lot of lusty Romans/Italians who once upon a time had no qualms about nudity.
We took a wine tasting, and rented a car to tour around in.
That was quite the Adventure....
More to come!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
I have left Pompeii.
I left after a delightful and exciting trip to both the old Pompeii ruins and a climb up Mt. Vesuvius.
I have returned to Rome to spend a night at a friend's and to pick up my parents.
Who have booked a hotel that is impossibly far away from the center of Rome in a fit of frustration and now we will have to do a lot more traveling than actually being in some place.
I left after a delightful and exciting trip to both the old Pompeii ruins and a climb up Mt. Vesuvius.
I have returned to Rome to spend a night at a friend's and to pick up my parents.
Who have booked a hotel that is impossibly far away from the center of Rome in a fit of frustration and now we will have to do a lot more traveling than actually being in some place.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
today I had a buon giorno
Which makes me laugh because I can just hear Brad Pitt in my mind, "Gratzi."
I found the mountains on the way to Pompeii.
Good thing, too, because I would have been headed in the wrong direction if I hadn't seen them.
I love the mountains.
I don't think I will ever go anywhere that will take over my fascination and adoration for a set of mountains.
Next to man, furry things, dancing, and trains, mountains amaze and entertain me to a never ending extent.
On that note, italian trains are 20x's more comfortable than Indian trains, the only thing I have to compare them to.
I've only been on IC (intercity trains), but I mean, each person has their own individual seat with a headrest and humongo windows on both sides to look out of. There are no transvestites, hawkers, beggar children, an entire family of 8 in your booth...
In fact, Italian trains are infinitely more boring than Indian trains for these reasons.
Except for all of the ugly feet.
I've yet to see pretty toes on any train in my entire life thus far.
This is more surprising in Italy than in India.
But comfiness is the price you pay in Europe.
Which is alot.
I traveled for 3 hours today - cost me 20 euros (approx. $25) as opposed to traveling 16 hours to Mumbai which cost, if I remember correctly, like rs. 800 ($16) which at the time, blew me away. Where I then survived, because I had enough money left over to buy myself food and shelter.
hm...
One thing that has yet to change - having to pay for your bodily functions. Which seriously sucks when you have to pee really badly, you can't find your change purse, you are lugging around luggage (traveling solo means you can't leave it with a friend) and the way into the bathroom requires you to push one of those bladder high bars around. I believe these are called turnstiles?
I declare war on these monstrosities.
Talk about torture.
That is just Italy's way of begging for people to start using the world as its bathroom.
What has changed - the level of cleanliness and bathroom standards.
Thanks, Europe, for always having a toilet and toilet paper.
You didn't provide me with a lifesaver, but they're pretty nice to have around.
Anyways, who was the deranged person who first thought that traveling around Europe after graduating from college was a smart thing?
There is absolutely no worst time to begin traveling and seeing the world and being financially strapped than when you are stuck between paying off student loans and having a real job with a real income.
But let's get this straight - this not so ground breaking revelation will not stop me.
What might stop me: my lack of pre-travel research.
So far, I've survived. I've yet to travel with any sort of travel guide or book.
I mean, I was in Rome for a day and just happened to walk up on the President's House and the Trevi Fountain. I didn't know.
I was hoping my parents would pick one up... (hinthint)
this place needs one, for sure.
So right. I am in Italy. I was in Rome. I took a train down the Amalfi Coast of Italy. I stood in Naples but got scared of all the scary things people say about Naples and went back in the train station.
I only had 45 minutes anyhow.
I'm now in Pompeii.
An attempt at specificity:
I am sitting on a roof overlooking the Pompeii scavi (ruins) listening to fireworks go off in the distance and listening to Jai Ho on my computer.
Until now, these places (mainly Rome and Pompeii) didn't exist. Kinda like Idaho, or Atlantis.
Myths.
When I was younger, I wanted to be a historian. I thought I would give tours in a museum or suffink.
When I was younger, I read a lot (A LOT) of books. A great number of them pertained to Greek/Roman mythology and natural disasters and life on the prairie and English royalty and pagan rituals.
Today, I read and looked at 3 of those things.
(I'm not going into detail about them because I looked at them from the gates - tomorrow is the big day!)
I remember being younger and stealing someone's book that were in my house on Pompeii, the great fire/earthquake of San Francisco, the Oregon Trail, the Dust Bowl, Egyptian pyramids, the Bubonic Plague, Mexican adobes, and then, oddly enough, Arabian Nights.
Which I don't think is historically significant for any reason outside of literature.
The point - I love this. Not just because it's cool, although it is. It is freaking awesome!
But I have an invested interest. This isn't just let's go look at the Pompeii ruins because they are world famous.
This takes me back. I can still see those early imagined images of what I thought the world looked like back then.
It reminds me of what is possible to achieve.
There was absolutely nothing more I desired than getting out of where I was.
Who thought I would be looking at the very things that I very seriously dreamed about seeing?
That I read about and thought about everyday?
I used to imagine these - now I am seeing them with my own two eyes and am just... I can't find a better term than "blown away" but that is what it is.
I am truly blown away by the sheer amazingness of everything the world has in it.
I mean, imagine growing up in the shadow of a volcano, then dying underneath all of the ask while performing paganish rituals to ward off the evil (in Pompeii, this sign was a phallic symbol...) only for people from THE FUTURE come and walk all over your home, up and down your walkway, peer into your doorways, listening to audio tapes of what has been deemed as the most important aspect of your community and way of life...
wow.
To end, sorry about the paragraphs. I'll cut up the space between them when I get some pics onto my computer.
And... some very important words I have learned out of survival:
treno = train
carrozza = car
posti = seat
ciao = hello/goodbye
Before I get ahead of myself, the world can also be a horrible horrible place.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-10799539
I found the mountains on the way to Pompeii.
Good thing, too, because I would have been headed in the wrong direction if I hadn't seen them.
I love the mountains.
I don't think I will ever go anywhere that will take over my fascination and adoration for a set of mountains.
Next to man, furry things, dancing, and trains, mountains amaze and entertain me to a never ending extent.
On that note, italian trains are 20x's more comfortable than Indian trains, the only thing I have to compare them to.
I've only been on IC (intercity trains), but I mean, each person has their own individual seat with a headrest and humongo windows on both sides to look out of. There are no transvestites, hawkers, beggar children, an entire family of 8 in your booth...
In fact, Italian trains are infinitely more boring than Indian trains for these reasons.
Except for all of the ugly feet.
I've yet to see pretty toes on any train in my entire life thus far.
This is more surprising in Italy than in India.
But comfiness is the price you pay in Europe.
Which is alot.
I traveled for 3 hours today - cost me 20 euros (approx. $25) as opposed to traveling 16 hours to Mumbai which cost, if I remember correctly, like rs. 800 ($16) which at the time, blew me away. Where I then survived, because I had enough money left over to buy myself food and shelter.
hm...
One thing that has yet to change - having to pay for your bodily functions. Which seriously sucks when you have to pee really badly, you can't find your change purse, you are lugging around luggage (traveling solo means you can't leave it with a friend) and the way into the bathroom requires you to push one of those bladder high bars around. I believe these are called turnstiles?
I declare war on these monstrosities.
Talk about torture.
That is just Italy's way of begging for people to start using the world as its bathroom.
What has changed - the level of cleanliness and bathroom standards.
Thanks, Europe, for always having a toilet and toilet paper.
You didn't provide me with a lifesaver, but they're pretty nice to have around.
Anyways, who was the deranged person who first thought that traveling around Europe after graduating from college was a smart thing?
There is absolutely no worst time to begin traveling and seeing the world and being financially strapped than when you are stuck between paying off student loans and having a real job with a real income.
But let's get this straight - this not so ground breaking revelation will not stop me.
What might stop me: my lack of pre-travel research.
So far, I've survived. I've yet to travel with any sort of travel guide or book.
I mean, I was in Rome for a day and just happened to walk up on the President's House and the Trevi Fountain. I didn't know.
I was hoping my parents would pick one up... (hinthint)
this place needs one, for sure.
So right. I am in Italy. I was in Rome. I took a train down the Amalfi Coast of Italy. I stood in Naples but got scared of all the scary things people say about Naples and went back in the train station.
I only had 45 minutes anyhow.
I'm now in Pompeii.
An attempt at specificity:
I am sitting on a roof overlooking the Pompeii scavi (ruins) listening to fireworks go off in the distance and listening to Jai Ho on my computer.
Until now, these places (mainly Rome and Pompeii) didn't exist. Kinda like Idaho, or Atlantis.
Myths.
When I was younger, I wanted to be a historian. I thought I would give tours in a museum or suffink.
When I was younger, I read a lot (A LOT) of books. A great number of them pertained to Greek/Roman mythology and natural disasters and life on the prairie and English royalty and pagan rituals.
Today, I read and looked at 3 of those things.
(I'm not going into detail about them because I looked at them from the gates - tomorrow is the big day!)
I remember being younger and stealing someone's book that were in my house on Pompeii, the great fire/earthquake of San Francisco, the Oregon Trail, the Dust Bowl, Egyptian pyramids, the Bubonic Plague, Mexican adobes, and then, oddly enough, Arabian Nights.
Which I don't think is historically significant for any reason outside of literature.
The point - I love this. Not just because it's cool, although it is. It is freaking awesome!
But I have an invested interest. This isn't just let's go look at the Pompeii ruins because they are world famous.
This takes me back. I can still see those early imagined images of what I thought the world looked like back then.
It reminds me of what is possible to achieve.
There was absolutely nothing more I desired than getting out of where I was.
Who thought I would be looking at the very things that I very seriously dreamed about seeing?
That I read about and thought about everyday?
I used to imagine these - now I am seeing them with my own two eyes and am just... I can't find a better term than "blown away" but that is what it is.
I am truly blown away by the sheer amazingness of everything the world has in it.
I mean, imagine growing up in the shadow of a volcano, then dying underneath all of the ask while performing paganish rituals to ward off the evil (in Pompeii, this sign was a phallic symbol...) only for people from THE FUTURE come and walk all over your home, up and down your walkway, peer into your doorways, listening to audio tapes of what has been deemed as the most important aspect of your community and way of life...
wow.
To end, sorry about the paragraphs. I'll cut up the space between them when I get some pics onto my computer.
And... some very important words I have learned out of survival:
treno = train
carrozza = car
posti = seat
ciao = hello/goodbye
Before I get ahead of myself, the world can also be a horrible horrible place.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-10799539
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
"Bella? You go to disco tonight? Give me number, I come get you."
"No."
2 hours and 47 minutes after I stepped off the Leonardo Express from the Rome airport, going up and down multiple staircases trying to find the deposito bagagli section without looking like a major tourist, found the Presiden't House, walked around the main shopping district just looking up and around like my head was bobble head toy and had an entire conversation with a Italian man who could only speak Italian (when I ended the convo with "Grazzi." small smile, shoulder duck, hand wave. "Ciao Ciao!" He just laughed laughed laughed while walking away) but really wanted to tell me all of the important places on the map to go, I encountered one of them.
A greasy Italian man, (actually, this one wasn't really greasy, but he did have pigeon feathers stuck to his head somehow) the kind you are always warned about, right after they tell you that in Rome, you will be pickpocketed because the thieves here are super clever, just accept it, approached me as I was trying to decide if I should take the sign to some building that took me through a dark tunnel, or continue to stay on the large populated road I was already on.
Dilemma, because he was going in the way of the populated... lucky for me, my shoot down of the day (laugh in his face) and then say "No, thank you though. I'm waiting for others." sent him away before me. And I was able to escape unscathed.
If he had asked if I wanted a coffee (which I did) or to sit by a fountain (I would have loved to) and talk and then go for a moped ride like all other Italian love stories go (If this doesn't happen soon, I will be hijacking one), I would have said "YES!"
No, he asked me in Italian (which I don't understand but pretend that I do), then in English if I wanted to give him my phone number so we could go to the disco.
Sigh.
Maybe when I come back on Sunday my Italian surprise lover will be waiting for me.
On that note, I recommend never going to the Trevi Fountain by yourself. Go with someone, anyone.
I'm at my hostel now, an all female hostel.
Hostel life requires all kinds of strange attention.
Unlike where I was in Malta where sometimes I just wanted to hop on my computer... but then this guy from Spain wants to chat, this girl from Italy wants to share a table, the shower just went off I MUST GO BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES and where did my last fruit juice disappear to? Maybe it was the guy who never flushes the toilet and leaves the seat up... I wonder if I can pick out the guy who never flushes the toilet... You know what? I bet he has the bunk beneath mine.
AWESOME.
But I like it. Hostel life is pretty entertaining. And it is cheapish.
All you have to do is share a bathroom (ewww wet dirty bathroom floors are the absolute worstttt), kitchen, and interact with other people.
I think this is something my parents would hate.
Eating by yourself and figuring out a city by yourself are also interesting... mostly made up of the fact that while I sat eating dinner by myself, so were about 5 other people and because you end up taking a lot of pictures of yourself.
When you see something cool, if with a friend - "Hey, look at that! Woooooowwww." or "Ooo will you take a photo of me in front of that? No, actually, you get in here too."
Being with others doesn't result in Myspace photos.
Good thing my parents are coming!!
For other things too - like the fact that Europe ain't cheap.
And because this is their first time with passports and going international.
How exciting!! I'm so glad that they can share this with me this time!
Being on a the train today (just like anytime I'm doing something I can't imagine how/why doing) reminded me of how in absolute AWE I am over the world, and humanity.
Yes, humanity has its pitfalls - people can reallllly suck.
But sometimes, humanity has done great, amazing, mind blowing things that are just wow. Breathtaking.
I'm traveling without the cord to my camera.... therefor I cannot download the Rome pics from today and put them online.
But here is a picture from when I did have my cord and I took a trip to see an artist/sculpter who makes these out of clay, burlap, and chalk.
2 hours and 47 minutes after I stepped off the Leonardo Express from the Rome airport, going up and down multiple staircases trying to find the deposito bagagli section without looking like a major tourist, found the Presiden't House, walked around the main shopping district just looking up and around like my head was bobble head toy and had an entire conversation with a Italian man who could only speak Italian (when I ended the convo with "Grazzi." small smile, shoulder duck, hand wave. "Ciao Ciao!" He just laughed laughed laughed while walking away) but really wanted to tell me all of the important places on the map to go, I encountered one of them.
A greasy Italian man, (actually, this one wasn't really greasy, but he did have pigeon feathers stuck to his head somehow) the kind you are always warned about, right after they tell you that in Rome, you will be pickpocketed because the thieves here are super clever, just accept it, approached me as I was trying to decide if I should take the sign to some building that took me through a dark tunnel, or continue to stay on the large populated road I was already on.
Dilemma, because he was going in the way of the populated... lucky for me, my shoot down of the day (laugh in his face) and then say "No, thank you though. I'm waiting for others." sent him away before me. And I was able to escape unscathed.
If he had asked if I wanted a coffee (which I did) or to sit by a fountain (I would have loved to) and talk and then go for a moped ride like all other Italian love stories go (If this doesn't happen soon, I will be hijacking one), I would have said "YES!"
No, he asked me in Italian (which I don't understand but pretend that I do), then in English if I wanted to give him my phone number so we could go to the disco.
Sigh.
Maybe when I come back on Sunday my Italian surprise lover will be waiting for me.
On that note, I recommend never going to the Trevi Fountain by yourself. Go with someone, anyone.
I'm at my hostel now, an all female hostel.
Hostel life requires all kinds of strange attention.
Unlike where I was in Malta where sometimes I just wanted to hop on my computer... but then this guy from Spain wants to chat, this girl from Italy wants to share a table, the shower just went off I MUST GO BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES and where did my last fruit juice disappear to? Maybe it was the guy who never flushes the toilet and leaves the seat up... I wonder if I can pick out the guy who never flushes the toilet... You know what? I bet he has the bunk beneath mine.
AWESOME.
But I like it. Hostel life is pretty entertaining. And it is cheapish.
All you have to do is share a bathroom (ewww wet dirty bathroom floors are the absolute worstttt), kitchen, and interact with other people.
I think this is something my parents would hate.
Eating by yourself and figuring out a city by yourself are also interesting... mostly made up of the fact that while I sat eating dinner by myself, so were about 5 other people and because you end up taking a lot of pictures of yourself.
When you see something cool, if with a friend - "Hey, look at that! Woooooowwww." or "Ooo will you take a photo of me in front of that? No, actually, you get in here too."
Being with others doesn't result in Myspace photos.
Good thing my parents are coming!!
For other things too - like the fact that Europe ain't cheap.
And because this is their first time with passports and going international.
How exciting!! I'm so glad that they can share this with me this time!
Being on a the train today (just like anytime I'm doing something I can't imagine how/why doing) reminded me of how in absolute AWE I am over the world, and humanity.
Yes, humanity has its pitfalls - people can reallllly suck.
But sometimes, humanity has done great, amazing, mind blowing things that are just wow. Breathtaking.
I'm traveling without the cord to my camera.... therefor I cannot download the Rome pics from today and put them online.
But here is a picture from when I did have my cord and I took a trip to see an artist/sculpter who makes these out of clay, burlap, and chalk.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Allyn Wong is happy, but she is ready to move on to the next thing.
She is also sad for Tibet. After the few days she spent in the Himalayas surrounded on 3 sides by Tibet and Nepal, she wants the area, the mountains (her future home, what calls to her on a fairly daily basis) to remain remote and most of all, she wants the area to remain free.
There are beautiful, wonderful things happening up there, with beautiful, wonderful people at work.
China, back off.
Thanks!
Love, Allyn Wong
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/25/world/asia/25tibet.html?_r=1&partner=rss&emc=rss&src=igw
She is also sad for Tibet. After the few days she spent in the Himalayas surrounded on 3 sides by Tibet and Nepal, she wants the area, the mountains (her future home, what calls to her on a fairly daily basis) to remain remote and most of all, she wants the area to remain free.
There are beautiful, wonderful things happening up there, with beautiful, wonderful people at work.
China, back off.
Thanks!
Love, Allyn Wong
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/25/world/asia/25tibet.html?_r=1&partner=rss&emc=rss&src=igw
Monday, July 19, 2010
Relativity?
There are a lot of thoughts that cross my mind during the day.
Most of them are taken seriously, some with a grain of salt.
Do I really need to put a headband on - I mean, really, who is seriously offended by someone else's bad hair? How far can I stretch this pair of underwear? If I can make it until the 26th, I have a washer and dryer that I can use to my heart's content. Speaking of heart's content, I could eat about 10 pastizzis right now, but I bet the bus man would jip me of my 3 cents just like he does every other day, so I'm not going to Victoria unless I really have to. And let's get this straight, a pastizzi/10 more lbs/new stain on my shirt is not a good enough solo reason to go to Victoria. Especially when I have so much trouble just getting the water to foam in the sink (or accepting that the powder in the Nutella jar is clothes detergent, not dish detergent). If I walk up that big hill to where the action is happening, how much booty am I gaining? As much as I lost in India? Only one way to find out... I have to go up there anyhow.
But no, seriously, better thoughts, other thoughts, more substantial thoughts cross my mind. These are either absorbed until I am glassy eyed and haven't left my chair for the last 2 hours. Or they are put on my checklist (that I make every single morning with many of the same topics as the day before) under either the "Short Term" section or the "Long Term" section and also deposited into the part of my brain that holds things until 1.) I have enough energy to go glassy eyed and push my little brain to its problem solving extreme or 2.) I make the time to actually do the important things on my list.
Either way, I bet my roomies think I'm the biggest junkie ever, because over the last few weeks, I've spent a lot of time sitting very still, but still probably sweating from the heat, and going glassy eyed while I mentally explore the ridiculous paths and avenues that my research might possibly take me and how I can prepare myself for that. And then I jump up like a crazy person who was just electrocuted and speed about because I had a brilliant idea that I desperately need to write down but I CANNOT FIND PAPER OR A PEN. But by this time I have made it through the front door and into the kitchen so I settle for a glass of apple juice and repeat the thought to myself for the next 20 minutes until I believe I can make it back to my room without forgetting my thought.
And then I check my emails for the 57th time that day to see if any of my informants have responded and make another list of appointments and sit down again to gather my thoughts on what I want to say to this or that person. All while secretly (maybe not so secretly) plotting on how to get into the church again to see that super cute guy whose name I forgot because, I suppose, I was lost in his eyes/curly hair/adorable smile when he told me his name. Or, maybe I forgot his name because I looked disgusting and I was cursing myself for not trying harder to look decent.
People ARE offended by bad hair and sweaty Americans, myself included.
Either way, this is not good.
But! Not all is lost!
Most of my informants are connected to the church - a trip to Victoria should be successful in many ways.
So! Some good has come out of my comatose junkie thinking ways - today I had a super cool session with my director and staff members who, even though I am terribly confused and have lots of questions and am not always sure where I am going with my research, were really supportive of what I had to say and what I was doing, gave me something concrete to think about, and some helpful suggestions. This is good. This I like. I don't feel as lost now, because if they say I am doing some of the right things, asking the right questions, experiencing real anthropologist things, being an anthropologist, and that they appreciate my work and progress and inquiries... then I must be doing ok. And I am not as bad off as I felt like I was.
I know there is definitely still stuff to do - interviews, academic journal readings and books to get, etc. etc. But it doesn't feel as daunting now.
I have realized that I like thinking outloud. I do like sitting very still and contemplating but I reallllllly like hashing things out with other people. Not like confrontation stuff, although I don't have a problem with it. No, I like opinions and suggestions and advice and I like when I can voice and share and learn from others. This makes me happy.
Yes. This I like.
So I didn't go anywhere today, but I was super productive in a way that I usually hate to be productive - by way of my computer. Sometimes my computer pulls me down into this weird cyber world where only 3 websites exist, yet they are the most entertaining to refreshrefreshrefresh and I don't get anywhere. And I have spent HOURS doing nothing that I wanted to do, yet just COULDN'T STOP doing.
Nope. Today, I sat down full of resolve to get this crap away from me and figured out my trip to Rome, before my family arrives.
It looks like this:
Leave Malta on the 28th
sleep overnight in Roma hostel
get train to Florence
stay for 2 days
come back to stay at hostel again
meet family on August 1st
have blastyblast!
Tomorrow I have lots of meetings and such in town and I will have a great time because today helped me figure out more directly where to go with my research instead of just doing research, which I think, is what I was doing.
Now, I have purpose.
I like having purpose.
Picture?
Success!!
Xlendi, my home away from home.
Most of them are taken seriously, some with a grain of salt.
Do I really need to put a headband on - I mean, really, who is seriously offended by someone else's bad hair? How far can I stretch this pair of underwear? If I can make it until the 26th, I have a washer and dryer that I can use to my heart's content. Speaking of heart's content, I could eat about 10 pastizzis right now, but I bet the bus man would jip me of my 3 cents just like he does every other day, so I'm not going to Victoria unless I really have to. And let's get this straight, a pastizzi/10 more lbs/new stain on my shirt is not a good enough solo reason to go to Victoria. Especially when I have so much trouble just getting the water to foam in the sink (or accepting that the powder in the Nutella jar is clothes detergent, not dish detergent). If I walk up that big hill to where the action is happening, how much booty am I gaining? As much as I lost in India? Only one way to find out... I have to go up there anyhow.
But no, seriously, better thoughts, other thoughts, more substantial thoughts cross my mind. These are either absorbed until I am glassy eyed and haven't left my chair for the last 2 hours. Or they are put on my checklist (that I make every single morning with many of the same topics as the day before) under either the "Short Term" section or the "Long Term" section and also deposited into the part of my brain that holds things until 1.) I have enough energy to go glassy eyed and push my little brain to its problem solving extreme or 2.) I make the time to actually do the important things on my list.
Either way, I bet my roomies think I'm the biggest junkie ever, because over the last few weeks, I've spent a lot of time sitting very still, but still probably sweating from the heat, and going glassy eyed while I mentally explore the ridiculous paths and avenues that my research might possibly take me and how I can prepare myself for that. And then I jump up like a crazy person who was just electrocuted and speed about because I had a brilliant idea that I desperately need to write down but I CANNOT FIND PAPER OR A PEN. But by this time I have made it through the front door and into the kitchen so I settle for a glass of apple juice and repeat the thought to myself for the next 20 minutes until I believe I can make it back to my room without forgetting my thought.
And then I check my emails for the 57th time that day to see if any of my informants have responded and make another list of appointments and sit down again to gather my thoughts on what I want to say to this or that person. All while secretly (maybe not so secretly) plotting on how to get into the church again to see that super cute guy whose name I forgot because, I suppose, I was lost in his eyes/curly hair/adorable smile when he told me his name. Or, maybe I forgot his name because I looked disgusting and I was cursing myself for not trying harder to look decent.
People ARE offended by bad hair and sweaty Americans, myself included.
Either way, this is not good.
But! Not all is lost!
Most of my informants are connected to the church - a trip to Victoria should be successful in many ways.
So! Some good has come out of my comatose junkie thinking ways - today I had a super cool session with my director and staff members who, even though I am terribly confused and have lots of questions and am not always sure where I am going with my research, were really supportive of what I had to say and what I was doing, gave me something concrete to think about, and some helpful suggestions. This is good. This I like. I don't feel as lost now, because if they say I am doing some of the right things, asking the right questions, experiencing real anthropologist things, being an anthropologist, and that they appreciate my work and progress and inquiries... then I must be doing ok. And I am not as bad off as I felt like I was.
I know there is definitely still stuff to do - interviews, academic journal readings and books to get, etc. etc. But it doesn't feel as daunting now.
I have realized that I like thinking outloud. I do like sitting very still and contemplating but I reallllllly like hashing things out with other people. Not like confrontation stuff, although I don't have a problem with it. No, I like opinions and suggestions and advice and I like when I can voice and share and learn from others. This makes me happy.
Yes. This I like.
So I didn't go anywhere today, but I was super productive in a way that I usually hate to be productive - by way of my computer. Sometimes my computer pulls me down into this weird cyber world where only 3 websites exist, yet they are the most entertaining to refreshrefreshrefresh and I don't get anywhere. And I have spent HOURS doing nothing that I wanted to do, yet just COULDN'T STOP doing.
Nope. Today, I sat down full of resolve to get this crap away from me and figured out my trip to Rome, before my family arrives.
It looks like this:
Leave Malta on the 28th
sleep overnight in Roma hostel
get train to Florence
stay for 2 days
come back to stay at hostel again
meet family on August 1st
have blastyblast!
Tomorrow I have lots of meetings and such in town and I will have a great time because today helped me figure out more directly where to go with my research instead of just doing research, which I think, is what I was doing.
Now, I have purpose.
I like having purpose.
Picture?
Xlendi, my home away from home.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
hold back the rushing minutes
Because you have no clue what I am doing here, I'm gonna catch you up to speed.
Prepare yourselves.
Living on a small island has sucked all of the Adventure Allyn self out of me, or so it seems.
My time is divided among reading on the porch, walking the Sanap Cliffs, cliff diving, going out to dinner and drinking wine of the Barroof until 2 in the morning. There is none of the Run Around Getting Everything in Sight Done Must Experience Everything Possible.
This isn't India. As an anthropologist, I wish I weren't so blunt about how everything is Not India.
But I can't help it.
India is my soft spot, and I want everything to be as amazing as India.
Alas, it is not.
There is no constant on the move, always traveling, always seeing, but more, always conversing. I am talking anthropology with everyone, at all times, and being surrounded by like minded nincompoops is entertaining. This is by far the nerdiest thing I might have ever done in my life, but I knew that before I got here, and I appreciate it for what it has presented itself to be.
I'm just glad I like having deep conversations. Not to say they don't get old, or that we don't have lots of fun. But if you want to sit around on a roof and drink bongo bongos and dance to music and take artsy fartsy photos and sit around and talk techniques and talk methodologies, tradition and modernization, and globalization, and a few things about our individual projects and even grad school - well, this is the place to do it.
The only thing about all of this is that it is so incredibly hands off. Sometimes the lack of instruction, structure, class, understanding of the need to get academic credits - it gets frustrating. I'm just glad that since I was thrown into ethnographic research with no instruction, insight, helping hand - I'm doing it here, on an island surrounded by cliffs and clear water and English speaking folks with festive evening celebrations. I certainly would not be happy if I had signed up for field school in Brazil just to be left in the middle of a jungle to do research.
Nope, I've got a single room, a kitchen and porch, a 3 minute walk to the water/restaurants/shops/friends. It's pretty cushy, and I appreciate the comforts, even though I am a bit disappointed in the structure of the program and the location.
Seriously, there is very little here that I am finding I want to research. 2 weeks later and there is nothing that surprises me, except the stunning scenery. This is island life with a decidedly tourist outlook.
But, I have found something, and I have found friends with similar interests and it is nice to work among those with similar interests.
So, those interests are diverse, and this being an incredibly Catholic island - diversity is not the norm.
Contemporary art is practically non-existence, there is no good dance happening, and the bit of traditional dance is super tourist oriented. And, they refuse to respond to my emails and phone calls.
Guess who isn't gonna get my business?
What I have decided on, and thankfully, have had a lot of luck with, would be the symbols and art behind a giant Maltese celebration, known as Festa.
Do you want to know what it is? Sure you do!
Festa is the annual celebration of each village and their patron saint, where, during the week of their saint, everyone goes nuts and does performances and makes crazy shirts and puts up decorations and eats lots of food and drinks in the streets and has parades and kinda makes it a competition between other churches in the area. Take for instand, Victoria, the capital of Gozo. I am concentrating on the Feast of St. George, who, according to Catholic religion (and is depicted as such) was a soldier in the Roman Army and fought, good vs. evil. In summary, Good = the catholic church, Evil = not the Catholic church. In pictures, a 21 yr. old solider slicing the head off of a dragon.
Which makes me depressed about my own life - I'm 21 and have yet to even find a dragon.
The week before the Sunday of St. whoever is a week full of festivities, ending in a giant street feast and the carrying of a solid wood statue of (in this case) St. George down all of the tiny winding European streets, the path marked by lights and people and confetti and decorated banners.
I like Festa because I like celebrations. I like Festa because I like religion. I like Festa because I like bands and balloons and fireworks and choirs and lights and decorations and symbols and myths and pastizzis and people.
I like people.
And I've met a lot of people, some of it through pure luck.
I've met Silvan, who traded me a Festa shirt for an egg who introduced me to George Cini who arranges all the activities of the St. George parish's Festa celebration who introduced me to Joseph, the man who puts up all of the banners and decorations who introduced me to band members/players James and Clint who gave me a tour of the island and the church and told me everything they could think about when it came to my research (everyone wants to be a part of it, thankfully) and they introduced me to Anthony, James and one other that I can't remember the name of that are in the internationally acclaimed choir at St. George's who introduced me to their choir director who took me to his home to meet the former Father of the church who is also the head of the Anthropology department at the University of Malta where he teaches classes on Anthropology and religion who shared his wealth of information on symbols/symbolism and folklore and history of Malta and the move from paganism to Catholicism and wants to introduce me to the US Ambassador to Malta tonight, during the feast.
So that is where I will be tonight. Sitting next to the ex-Father of the St. George's Parish and the US Ambassador at the annual feast of St. George in Victoria on the island of Gozo in the middle of the Mediterranean.
How ridiculous is that?!
Starting next week I am meeting with the man who creates all of the statues that grace the streets of the towns that host festas and his apprentice who does all of the painting of the statues and also the great religious scenes on all of the banners.
His name is Manuel and his is 21 and he gets commissions from all over the world for his original and detailed religious scenes.
I'm impressed.
So that is where my research stands. Somewhere between knowing lots of the hot shots on the island and about Festa and art and the meaning behind the celebrations and knowing nothing about how to write down my research, record and process what I have learned and where to take it from here.
Talking with my peers, they seem to be on the same page. It feels a bit... fruitless.
My biggest issues are
1.) I am too journalistic. This prompts people to merely answer questions instead of be my friend that happens to like sharing information with me. This is a problem. Even though I have made a couple of friends here and that makes me happy.
2.) Everyone here takes everything at face value. There has been no deep searching, looking, understanding - my questions come up empty sometimes because everyone on the island just takes their way of life, celebrations, beliefs because they have been given to them. The Maltese are very proud of their heritage - they are Maltese and nothing else (even though Malta has been overtaken multiple times by just every human group on the planet over the last 7000 years and the Maltese and very little of their own culture but a just a big conglomeration of everyone elses' traditions in Europe, Africa, and the Middle East.)
Getting information out of people that just accept and don't question anything themselves is a bit frustrating.
Dead End is my constant companion on Gozo.
So is bleach blond arm hair and a simply gorgeous golden brown tan with salt water tossed hair and an obscene intake of Gozo cheese (the only good food on the island).
Needless to say, I'm not lonely. Just bored and a little frustrated at the slowness of the project and daily life in general.
One event I did appreciate, although others did not (out of 25 people, 9 of us survived) was the 25 mile all day long hike we took. Which was beautiful and entertaining, but it was hard. Nobody warned us that we would need tennis shoes and the terrain here is rocky and dead. And the weather is around 95 everyday. We got lost, we didn't get lunch, we saw some beautiful sights, we sent people home on buses, we climbed cliffs, i watched as every European in the group would climb a hill and light a cigarette and was amazed at the sheer strength of their poor lungs, we danced and sang and some people cried and our feet bled and then we all jumped in the water.
And that was that. It was invigorating, trying, frustrating and I'm glad I made it to the end.
I'm a very capable person and I am proud of that.
And so, next time I will put pictures up:
horse races, Azure window, what is probably the best beer in the world, Festa, sculpters, religious nightlights, friends, Magnums (not what you think), surroundings and more information about Festa and daily activities. Sorry it took me so long to do this. But now it is pretty much, generally, caught up.
Pictures just take so long to put up - it's really ridiculous.
Prepare yourselves.
Living on a small island has sucked all of the Adventure Allyn self out of me, or so it seems.
My time is divided among reading on the porch, walking the Sanap Cliffs, cliff diving, going out to dinner and drinking wine of the Barroof until 2 in the morning. There is none of the Run Around Getting Everything in Sight Done Must Experience Everything Possible.
This isn't India. As an anthropologist, I wish I weren't so blunt about how everything is Not India.
But I can't help it.
India is my soft spot, and I want everything to be as amazing as India.
Alas, it is not.
There is no constant on the move, always traveling, always seeing, but more, always conversing. I am talking anthropology with everyone, at all times, and being surrounded by like minded nincompoops is entertaining. This is by far the nerdiest thing I might have ever done in my life, but I knew that before I got here, and I appreciate it for what it has presented itself to be.
I'm just glad I like having deep conversations. Not to say they don't get old, or that we don't have lots of fun. But if you want to sit around on a roof and drink bongo bongos and dance to music and take artsy fartsy photos and sit around and talk techniques and talk methodologies, tradition and modernization, and globalization, and a few things about our individual projects and even grad school - well, this is the place to do it.
The only thing about all of this is that it is so incredibly hands off. Sometimes the lack of instruction, structure, class, understanding of the need to get academic credits - it gets frustrating. I'm just glad that since I was thrown into ethnographic research with no instruction, insight, helping hand - I'm doing it here, on an island surrounded by cliffs and clear water and English speaking folks with festive evening celebrations. I certainly would not be happy if I had signed up for field school in Brazil just to be left in the middle of a jungle to do research.
Nope, I've got a single room, a kitchen and porch, a 3 minute walk to the water/restaurants/shops/friends. It's pretty cushy, and I appreciate the comforts, even though I am a bit disappointed in the structure of the program and the location.
Seriously, there is very little here that I am finding I want to research. 2 weeks later and there is nothing that surprises me, except the stunning scenery. This is island life with a decidedly tourist outlook.
But, I have found something, and I have found friends with similar interests and it is nice to work among those with similar interests.
So, those interests are diverse, and this being an incredibly Catholic island - diversity is not the norm.
Contemporary art is practically non-existence, there is no good dance happening, and the bit of traditional dance is super tourist oriented. And, they refuse to respond to my emails and phone calls.
Guess who isn't gonna get my business?
What I have decided on, and thankfully, have had a lot of luck with, would be the symbols and art behind a giant Maltese celebration, known as Festa.
Do you want to know what it is? Sure you do!
Festa is the annual celebration of each village and their patron saint, where, during the week of their saint, everyone goes nuts and does performances and makes crazy shirts and puts up decorations and eats lots of food and drinks in the streets and has parades and kinda makes it a competition between other churches in the area. Take for instand, Victoria, the capital of Gozo. I am concentrating on the Feast of St. George, who, according to Catholic religion (and is depicted as such) was a soldier in the Roman Army and fought, good vs. evil. In summary, Good = the catholic church, Evil = not the Catholic church. In pictures, a 21 yr. old solider slicing the head off of a dragon.
Which makes me depressed about my own life - I'm 21 and have yet to even find a dragon.
The week before the Sunday of St. whoever is a week full of festivities, ending in a giant street feast and the carrying of a solid wood statue of (in this case) St. George down all of the tiny winding European streets, the path marked by lights and people and confetti and decorated banners.
I like Festa because I like celebrations. I like Festa because I like religion. I like Festa because I like bands and balloons and fireworks and choirs and lights and decorations and symbols and myths and pastizzis and people.
I like people.
And I've met a lot of people, some of it through pure luck.
I've met Silvan, who traded me a Festa shirt for an egg who introduced me to George Cini who arranges all the activities of the St. George parish's Festa celebration who introduced me to Joseph, the man who puts up all of the banners and decorations who introduced me to band members/players James and Clint who gave me a tour of the island and the church and told me everything they could think about when it came to my research (everyone wants to be a part of it, thankfully) and they introduced me to Anthony, James and one other that I can't remember the name of that are in the internationally acclaimed choir at St. George's who introduced me to their choir director who took me to his home to meet the former Father of the church who is also the head of the Anthropology department at the University of Malta where he teaches classes on Anthropology and religion who shared his wealth of information on symbols/symbolism and folklore and history of Malta and the move from paganism to Catholicism and wants to introduce me to the US Ambassador to Malta tonight, during the feast.
So that is where I will be tonight. Sitting next to the ex-Father of the St. George's Parish and the US Ambassador at the annual feast of St. George in Victoria on the island of Gozo in the middle of the Mediterranean.
How ridiculous is that?!
Starting next week I am meeting with the man who creates all of the statues that grace the streets of the towns that host festas and his apprentice who does all of the painting of the statues and also the great religious scenes on all of the banners.
His name is Manuel and his is 21 and he gets commissions from all over the world for his original and detailed religious scenes.
I'm impressed.
So that is where my research stands. Somewhere between knowing lots of the hot shots on the island and about Festa and art and the meaning behind the celebrations and knowing nothing about how to write down my research, record and process what I have learned and where to take it from here.
Talking with my peers, they seem to be on the same page. It feels a bit... fruitless.
My biggest issues are
1.) I am too journalistic. This prompts people to merely answer questions instead of be my friend that happens to like sharing information with me. This is a problem. Even though I have made a couple of friends here and that makes me happy.
2.) Everyone here takes everything at face value. There has been no deep searching, looking, understanding - my questions come up empty sometimes because everyone on the island just takes their way of life, celebrations, beliefs because they have been given to them. The Maltese are very proud of their heritage - they are Maltese and nothing else (even though Malta has been overtaken multiple times by just every human group on the planet over the last 7000 years and the Maltese and very little of their own culture but a just a big conglomeration of everyone elses' traditions in Europe, Africa, and the Middle East.)
Getting information out of people that just accept and don't question anything themselves is a bit frustrating.
Dead End is my constant companion on Gozo.
So is bleach blond arm hair and a simply gorgeous golden brown tan with salt water tossed hair and an obscene intake of Gozo cheese (the only good food on the island).
Needless to say, I'm not lonely. Just bored and a little frustrated at the slowness of the project and daily life in general.
One event I did appreciate, although others did not (out of 25 people, 9 of us survived) was the 25 mile all day long hike we took. Which was beautiful and entertaining, but it was hard. Nobody warned us that we would need tennis shoes and the terrain here is rocky and dead. And the weather is around 95 everyday. We got lost, we didn't get lunch, we saw some beautiful sights, we sent people home on buses, we climbed cliffs, i watched as every European in the group would climb a hill and light a cigarette and was amazed at the sheer strength of their poor lungs, we danced and sang and some people cried and our feet bled and then we all jumped in the water.
And that was that. It was invigorating, trying, frustrating and I'm glad I made it to the end.
I'm a very capable person and I am proud of that.
And so, next time I will put pictures up:
horse races, Azure window, what is probably the best beer in the world, Festa, sculpters, religious nightlights, friends, Magnums (not what you think), surroundings and more information about Festa and daily activities. Sorry it took me so long to do this. But now it is pretty much, generally, caught up.
Pictures just take so long to put up - it's really ridiculous.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Europeans
Something I am missing desperately:
My little baby. It is things like actually being responsible for keeping another living being alive and loved and happy that makes me wonder how I plan on being a world traveler, when all I want to do is sleep with him wrapped around my head and not have to entrust his happiness and well being to others. I want him with me.
I am a very stingy mother.
Anywho, a little on the people I live with:
A lot of the people I am surrounded by are from Belgium - which means they can speak at least 4 different languages and they do, when they don't want you to understand.
Or they send you email attaches with words like "onderzoeksonderwerpen"
which means "research topics"
or "onderzoeksonderwerpenbespreking"
which means "research topic discussion"
I find this amusing on many levels.
Another funny incident that is hysterical to me and maybe not to some of my family members is when my favorite German (Jen, a married woman of 29) walks up to me and points to a man in a an American flag speedo and says
(sorry family)
"See that man? I saw his ****."
I am taken by surprise by this because the last woman I had spoken to was the town cat lady, who was feeding about 15 feral cats and so of course, I asked her why that happened.
"He decided to change his pants in front of me, and kept looking my way. So I walked away, but then he followed me up the stairs and asked me in 4 different languages, all of which I understood but pretended not to, what my name was and where I am from. I think in America you would call him... creepy, no?"
Europeans are hysterically blunt.
They also stay up very very late, drink a lot, and chain smoke.
I can't keep up with their wild ways.
So, while they chat on the roof eating Gozo cheese, drinking boxed wine, and blowing smoke rings in my face, I'm either battling the smoke rings with fidgeting around and blowing them away from me, or sleeping in some awkward broken neck position. For which I am made fun of considerably.
Which I don't think would bother me if it hadn't been such an issue in other situations.
It's a little bothersome to want to go out to the bars to hang out with them, but they just end up waking me up and sending me home because I fell asleep in my chair.
I mean, if we are on the beach and they walk somewhere, they make it a point to walk back by me to make sure I haven't fallen asleep and am being baked alive in the sun on a rock.
In this, they are very considerate, and many seem pretty jealous of my narcoleptic ways. They all say they wish they could do that.
But I wish I could stay up and hang out with them.
I am a very stingy mother.
Anywho, a little on the people I live with:
A lot of the people I am surrounded by are from Belgium - which means they can speak at least 4 different languages and they do, when they don't want you to understand.
Or they send you email attaches with words like "onderzoeksonderwerpen"
which means "research topics"
or "onderzoeksonderwerpenbespreking"
which means "research topic discussion"
I find this amusing on many levels.
Another funny incident that is hysterical to me and maybe not to some of my family members is when my favorite German (Jen, a married woman of 29) walks up to me and points to a man in a an American flag speedo and says
(sorry family)
"See that man? I saw his ****."
I am taken by surprise by this because the last woman I had spoken to was the town cat lady, who was feeding about 15 feral cats and so of course, I asked her why that happened.
"He decided to change his pants in front of me, and kept looking my way. So I walked away, but then he followed me up the stairs and asked me in 4 different languages, all of which I understood but pretended not to, what my name was and where I am from. I think in America you would call him... creepy, no?"
Europeans are hysterically blunt.
They also stay up very very late, drink a lot, and chain smoke.
I can't keep up with their wild ways.
So, while they chat on the roof eating Gozo cheese, drinking boxed wine, and blowing smoke rings in my face, I'm either battling the smoke rings with fidgeting around and blowing them away from me, or sleeping in some awkward broken neck position. For which I am made fun of considerably.
Which I don't think would bother me if it hadn't been such an issue in other situations.
It's a little bothersome to want to go out to the bars to hang out with them, but they just end up waking me up and sending me home because I fell asleep in my chair.
I mean, if we are on the beach and they walk somewhere, they make it a point to walk back by me to make sure I haven't fallen asleep and am being baked alive in the sun on a rock.
In this, they are very considerate, and many seem pretty jealous of my narcoleptic ways. They all say they wish they could do that.
But I wish I could stay up and hang out with them.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Jet lag day
I am in Gozo.
Spent an hour on a bus/ferry combo to get here, spent the last 2 days having "get over your jet lag day" for all of the students, etc.
One girl never made it and now we know why - on her way here from Valletta, she was in a car crash and broke her back. Her mom flew in sometime recently and filled the summer school in, because we couldn't get in touch with her.
This makes me so sad. But I am glad she is ok. Supposed to recover fully. I'm glad her mom came.
I have a new friend - his name is Max/Sid. He has a goat. It's name is:
Dick Versilles Demetri "Billy the Kid" Moutavelles Trickle
a.k.a Gruffy
His mom found out they had it, and he thinks his brother killed it. And ate it.
Ew.
We have yet to meet all of the staff, but tonight is a big let's all have dinner night, so maybe we might meet them then and figure out what the hell we are all doing here. We are all a bit worried about the structure and organization - my biggest issue, and i know everyone will roll their eyes and groan, but really, I'm not that interested in Malta. The only reason I am here is because Thailand fell through and I needed the credits in a different, cheaper way than spending another semester in college.
I hope I can figure out what I am doing here, and research something I like. I like the people a lot, and I like the place. But it was just never on my radar as someplace to go and research, etc.
On a few other funnier notes:
I am living with a bunch of Europeans who happen to be freakin hilarious, mainly due to the lack of filters they have. They can say whatever they want and refuse to believe that it offended anybody. I love it. Probably because I tend to not be the person that they are "burning". The best part, I think, however, is that it isn't just me laughing at their funny stories, words, accents, etc. Which makes me sound incredibly childish (Riane, I have been playing so much Name that Nationality... I missed one guy's... he's from Slovenia. hahahaha when he told me he was like yea, you know. Galaxy, universe, world, Europe, Slovenia. I was like oh, yea. Right.) No, the best part is that they laugh at me, too. So it is kinda mutual, which makes me happy.
Also, I have an intense affection for Gozitan cheese... which is strange, because there is a lot of cheese, but not a lot of goats, and it is a type of goat cheese. I was literally at dinner licking my fingers to pick the powdery cheese off of my plate. Kinda gross, but not really. Nobody seemed to mind. It was super tasty on my jellyfish shaped cheese and pear stuffed pasta.
I have spoken with my mother 2 times in the 2 days that I have been here. Which is totally fine with me, because they are short convos. and I love talking to her. But the best/worst part about being in touch with family members is when they don't hear from you during international flights and you finally get to Malta and you hear your name over the loudspeaker:
"KATHERINE WONG, PLEASE AKJDHFPIADFHEOKJH"
Ok, I wonder what that was, I thought, while walking to baggage claim.
"KATHERINE WONG, ALKJSDFOIENG"
To the man next to me that I sat with on the plane, do you know what they are saying?
No, but aren't they talking about you?
"KATHERINE WONG, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR PARENTS."
embarrassing. I might have found the love of my life, that man sitting next to me on the plane (that I fell asleep talking to 2 time in 3 hours, but he was nice enough to get me a Non EU citizen customs sheet anyhow.) And my parents have called the airport on the island of Malta to make sure I contact them, and gotten them to yell over the intercom system that I need to call my parents.
Lol.
Some pictures will come later, when my picture uploader is having a better day.
Spent an hour on a bus/ferry combo to get here, spent the last 2 days having "get over your jet lag day" for all of the students, etc.
One girl never made it and now we know why - on her way here from Valletta, she was in a car crash and broke her back. Her mom flew in sometime recently and filled the summer school in, because we couldn't get in touch with her.
This makes me so sad. But I am glad she is ok. Supposed to recover fully. I'm glad her mom came.
I have a new friend - his name is Max/Sid. He has a goat. It's name is:
Dick Versilles Demetri "Billy the Kid" Moutavelles Trickle
a.k.a Gruffy
His mom found out they had it, and he thinks his brother killed it. And ate it.
Ew.
We have yet to meet all of the staff, but tonight is a big let's all have dinner night, so maybe we might meet them then and figure out what the hell we are all doing here. We are all a bit worried about the structure and organization - my biggest issue, and i know everyone will roll their eyes and groan, but really, I'm not that interested in Malta. The only reason I am here is because Thailand fell through and I needed the credits in a different, cheaper way than spending another semester in college.
I hope I can figure out what I am doing here, and research something I like. I like the people a lot, and I like the place. But it was just never on my radar as someplace to go and research, etc.
On a few other funnier notes:
I am living with a bunch of Europeans who happen to be freakin hilarious, mainly due to the lack of filters they have. They can say whatever they want and refuse to believe that it offended anybody. I love it. Probably because I tend to not be the person that they are "burning". The best part, I think, however, is that it isn't just me laughing at their funny stories, words, accents, etc. Which makes me sound incredibly childish (Riane, I have been playing so much Name that Nationality... I missed one guy's... he's from Slovenia. hahahaha when he told me he was like yea, you know. Galaxy, universe, world, Europe, Slovenia. I was like oh, yea. Right.) No, the best part is that they laugh at me, too. So it is kinda mutual, which makes me happy.
Also, I have an intense affection for Gozitan cheese... which is strange, because there is a lot of cheese, but not a lot of goats, and it is a type of goat cheese. I was literally at dinner licking my fingers to pick the powdery cheese off of my plate. Kinda gross, but not really. Nobody seemed to mind. It was super tasty on my jellyfish shaped cheese and pear stuffed pasta.
I have spoken with my mother 2 times in the 2 days that I have been here. Which is totally fine with me, because they are short convos. and I love talking to her. But the best/worst part about being in touch with family members is when they don't hear from you during international flights and you finally get to Malta and you hear your name over the loudspeaker:
"KATHERINE WONG, PLEASE AKJDHFPIADFHEOKJH"
Ok, I wonder what that was, I thought, while walking to baggage claim.
"KATHERINE WONG, ALKJSDFOIENG"
To the man next to me that I sat with on the plane, do you know what they are saying?
No, but aren't they talking about you?
"KATHERINE WONG, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR PARENTS."
embarrassing. I might have found the love of my life, that man sitting next to me on the plane (that I fell asleep talking to 2 time in 3 hours, but he was nice enough to get me a Non EU citizen customs sheet anyhow.) And my parents have called the airport on the island of Malta to make sure I contact them, and gotten them to yell over the intercom system that I need to call my parents.
Lol.
Some pictures will come later, when my picture uploader is having a better day.
Monday, July 5, 2010
A solo adventure begins.
I'm here.
It was a little scary.
My second trip abroad and I'm all by myself.
So far I've managed just fine.
It did get a little frustrating. A nice young Korean man decided to help me with choosing the correct buses, etc. and got me hopelessly lost.
This city is all built on cliffs and hills and I had to climb 3 mountains while tugging a 50lb rolly suitcase after the bus driver wouldn't take me any closer to where I needed to me.
Anywho, I'm all settled for the most part. Got the phone figured out, fell asleep at dinner, but I was by myself anyways so the only person it bothered and should have bothered was me.
Have yet to take pictures of this bizarre, colorless yet fascinating place.
Tomorrow I meet the rest of the crew. I hope I'm smart enough to keep up with everyone.
It was a little scary.
My second trip abroad and I'm all by myself.
So far I've managed just fine.
It did get a little frustrating. A nice young Korean man decided to help me with choosing the correct buses, etc. and got me hopelessly lost.
This city is all built on cliffs and hills and I had to climb 3 mountains while tugging a 50lb rolly suitcase after the bus driver wouldn't take me any closer to where I needed to me.
Anywho, I'm all settled for the most part. Got the phone figured out, fell asleep at dinner, but I was by myself anyways so the only person it bothered and should have bothered was me.
Have yet to take pictures of this bizarre, colorless yet fascinating place.
Tomorrow I meet the rest of the crew. I hope I'm smart enough to keep up with everyone.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Buddhist monks and Civil War musicals
I remember when I was finally tall enough to lie back in the passenger's seat of the car and stick my baby feet out the window. Yea, it was a stretch, and yea, my seat belt was technically useless when I slid underneath it like, but it made me so awesome, being able to stick my feet out the window.
Big people had forearms that could reach from rested elbow on bottom of window to large hand grasping the top of the window, and in my mind, people that huge could do anything they ever wanted to do.
My solo venture out into the Med. and Italy starts soon and I have realized what scares me the most about it - In India, (here comes another sweeping generalization...) nobody knows what they are doing, where they are going, how they are getting there. It was easy to hop on that train, boat, plane, bus. It would take you somewhere and ta-da, you were good.
But now I am going to Europe, where people have agendas, and set destinations, and fixed prices. And I don't know how to navigate places and people that have their lives together.
I'm going to be floundering because it is what I know and how I know international living. I mean, I'm pretty sure being there will whip me into what I need to be to survive in Malta and Italy... but it is going to be weird. Because currently, I'm going without knowing anything. It worked for India.
I do not know if it will work for Italy.
Saw a musical tonight and the usual happened - internal dialogue went about like this:
Why am I not doing Musical Theater? I love singing and dancing and I love costumes and cool fashion - why didn't I go into fashion or costume design? I know French somewhat... Paris would be an awesome place to live and work!
Wait - how did they figure out the background information for all of this? Maybe I should go into History... be a historian. I could talk to Dr. Rashford and draw world maps and talk about how you don't know anything if you don't know how the world is all interconnected.
I should brush up on my geography...
That said, Dr. Rashford does everything and he is an anthropologist so... I'm pretty glad I'm an anthropologist because it isn't really stopping me from doing anything I want to do... I wish I had gone to Mexico with him... at the same time, I don't really know Spanish and I do prefer studying the Middle East and Asia better... but I really want to go to Africa next... yea, Sudan or Nigeria. Study the Lost Boys and see how Islam has affected their lives and do social work and dance with them and do tribal things, like go into trances and paint myself... I really enjoy having zero inhibitions... which is different than having cultural/religious barriers and traditions. Maybe I can do that while in the Peace Corps. But if I join the Peace Corps right out of school... how will I keep up my dance? How will I be prepared to go to grad school to get my masters/PHd in dance and anthropology?
I guess I'll do that in London, go to the Laban Contemp. Dance school.... I do love choreography so so so much... I hope RIB and Gretchen will let me do more choreography this year.
I have some great songs that I would love to work with.
Oh, ew. That scene just didn't work.
Ok. This musical has had 2 songs too many.
Ok, I am seriously the youngest person here by 30 years.
And yea, it just goes like that for awhile.
But I like the trend in my thinking that whatever happens to me will put me in a new place in the world. And for some reason, strangely enough, I don't feel like it can't happen. Even in this economy and given profession, I feel like I will always be able to manage.
I bet my mother is rolling her eyes right now.
Anyhow, I saw 2 Buddhist monks at Walmart today. In Spartanburg, SC.
I followed them through the facewash aisle.
Reminds me of the time I naively asked why a place would only have 200 female lamas, while internally thinking that lamas would go extinct if they keep that weird technique up.
I had forgotten we were talking about actual religious lamas, as in the Dalai Lama.
ah, Gangtok, Sikkim.
And I miss Samir, my little kitty baby.
I wish I could pick him up and hold him right now.
Big people had forearms that could reach from rested elbow on bottom of window to large hand grasping the top of the window, and in my mind, people that huge could do anything they ever wanted to do.
My solo venture out into the Med. and Italy starts soon and I have realized what scares me the most about it - In India, (here comes another sweeping generalization...) nobody knows what they are doing, where they are going, how they are getting there. It was easy to hop on that train, boat, plane, bus. It would take you somewhere and ta-da, you were good.
But now I am going to Europe, where people have agendas, and set destinations, and fixed prices. And I don't know how to navigate places and people that have their lives together.
I'm going to be floundering because it is what I know and how I know international living. I mean, I'm pretty sure being there will whip me into what I need to be to survive in Malta and Italy... but it is going to be weird. Because currently, I'm going without knowing anything. It worked for India.
I do not know if it will work for Italy.
Saw a musical tonight and the usual happened - internal dialogue went about like this:
Why am I not doing Musical Theater? I love singing and dancing and I love costumes and cool fashion - why didn't I go into fashion or costume design? I know French somewhat... Paris would be an awesome place to live and work!
Wait - how did they figure out the background information for all of this? Maybe I should go into History... be a historian. I could talk to Dr. Rashford and draw world maps and talk about how you don't know anything if you don't know how the world is all interconnected.
I should brush up on my geography...
That said, Dr. Rashford does everything and he is an anthropologist so... I'm pretty glad I'm an anthropologist because it isn't really stopping me from doing anything I want to do... I wish I had gone to Mexico with him... at the same time, I don't really know Spanish and I do prefer studying the Middle East and Asia better... but I really want to go to Africa next... yea, Sudan or Nigeria. Study the Lost Boys and see how Islam has affected their lives and do social work and dance with them and do tribal things, like go into trances and paint myself... I really enjoy having zero inhibitions... which is different than having cultural/religious barriers and traditions. Maybe I can do that while in the Peace Corps. But if I join the Peace Corps right out of school... how will I keep up my dance? How will I be prepared to go to grad school to get my masters/PHd in dance and anthropology?
I guess I'll do that in London, go to the Laban Contemp. Dance school.... I do love choreography so so so much... I hope RIB and Gretchen will let me do more choreography this year.
I have some great songs that I would love to work with.
Oh, ew. That scene just didn't work.
Ok. This musical has had 2 songs too many.
Ok, I am seriously the youngest person here by 30 years.
And yea, it just goes like that for awhile.
But I like the trend in my thinking that whatever happens to me will put me in a new place in the world. And for some reason, strangely enough, I don't feel like it can't happen. Even in this economy and given profession, I feel like I will always be able to manage.
I bet my mother is rolling her eyes right now.
Anyhow, I saw 2 Buddhist monks at Walmart today. In Spartanburg, SC.
I followed them through the facewash aisle.
Reminds me of the time I naively asked why a place would only have 200 female lamas, while internally thinking that lamas would go extinct if they keep that weird technique up.
I had forgotten we were talking about actual religious lamas, as in the Dalai Lama.
ah, Gangtok, Sikkim.
And I miss Samir, my little kitty baby.
I wish I could pick him up and hold him right now.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The world at large
I'm not really up on my futbol - I mean, I went on the FIFA website to see if India was playing (they aren't) but there is one thing that I know about futbol - it has recently brought a lot of the world together. Not everyone is participating in the World Cup, and that's ok. A country's strength does not lay solely in it's ability to produce great athletes, but I do love that so many people are so excited and involved in the World Cup process.
I love that in the wake of the World Cup, there have been camps set up for disadvantaged youth in portions in Africa, and that these children are getting the chance to play soccer, have full meals, and learn about HIV/AIDS. Children are the future, and I'm so incredibly happy to see that people are working to ensure their success.
Shakira's song is pretty catchy, too.
It reminds me of the Commonwealth Games that Delhi was so frantically preparing for. It makes me happy to see people working (if for disillusioned reasons and in strange ways sometimes) towards making their home a better place.
More than crying at the FIFA website for reasons that are a bit unknown, my mind is being blown everyday I work at the museum.
I'm working with artifacts from a certain time period - the Middle Pleistocene period. This is also known as the Ionian Stage, a geological period that was (prepare yourself) roughly about 781-126 thousand years ago.
I am touching, washing, documenting these artifacts. Can you even imagine the world being that old? Can you imagine the person that found these items?! His name was H.W. Seton-Karr and the artifacts I am working with are things he found near Madras in India. You just know that he was most certainly Indiana Jones.
It just absolutely blows my mind that there is evidence of how OLD the earth is and how there is clear evidence of humanity at that time.
I simply cannot fathom life, daily routines, speech, rituals, EXISTENCE at that time.
This world is an amazing place.
I love that in the wake of the World Cup, there have been camps set up for disadvantaged youth in portions in Africa, and that these children are getting the chance to play soccer, have full meals, and learn about HIV/AIDS. Children are the future, and I'm so incredibly happy to see that people are working to ensure their success.
Shakira's song is pretty catchy, too.
It reminds me of the Commonwealth Games that Delhi was so frantically preparing for. It makes me happy to see people working (if for disillusioned reasons and in strange ways sometimes) towards making their home a better place.
More than crying at the FIFA website for reasons that are a bit unknown, my mind is being blown everyday I work at the museum.
I'm working with artifacts from a certain time period - the Middle Pleistocene period. This is also known as the Ionian Stage, a geological period that was (prepare yourself) roughly about 781-126 thousand years ago.
I am touching, washing, documenting these artifacts. Can you even imagine the world being that old? Can you imagine the person that found these items?! His name was H.W. Seton-Karr and the artifacts I am working with are things he found near Madras in India. You just know that he was most certainly Indiana Jones.
It just absolutely blows my mind that there is evidence of how OLD the earth is and how there is clear evidence of humanity at that time.
I simply cannot fathom life, daily routines, speech, rituals, EXISTENCE at that time.
This world is an amazing place.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Lately there has been this feeling of discontent, antsy-ness, disappointment
and i'm not sure what it stems from
except a long list of places in my life where I could have done things differently
I am so incredibly proud of my friend right now, Jesse Lee. He has set off across the US on a solar and energy powered tricycle that he and his friend built while in Costa Rica and they are raising money to send to Sri Lankan schools as part of Elon's service program, the Periclean Scholars.
I couldn't be happier for him, because he is an amazing person doing an amazing thing. I hope that he comes out of this experience fulfilled from his work, because he should be proud. He is truly being a world partner.
I should have taken more advantage of my surroundings and opportunities to help make the world a better place during my time in India.
This is a major disappointment, because this is very important to me.
Some might call that the "American syndrome," where as an American, I believe I can change and fix the world's problems. But I have always wanted to play a part in the world - I have always wanted to know the world and help where help was wanted and needed. It is too bad that I was in a country that would have loved my help and I didn't give it all I had.
This is a disappointment.
I met a special little girl the other day - I was told that I had a "shadow."
Her name was Sabriany, and she was adopted by some contra friends.
The thing about having this adorable little shadow was the weird struggle between extreme happiness and emptiness that went so deep, it made my chest hurt. I'm saddened by this, because there is nothing more that I wanted to do than pick this child up and tote her around.
I am at that age where I will soon graduate and my friends will freak out about the future, and they will start that long chain of weekend weddings and baby showers and tea parties with their little girls and little league games with their boys.
And I will be doing all of this attending. But I have never felt like that would be my lifestyle.
This hurts, because what do you say to the people that want that with you, but that you aren't sure you can give back? What happens next, for those women who have never felt they would be able to fill the shoes of wife and mother?
It makes me sad that I am a woman, who, by evolution and historical stigmas, was made to bear children and to be a mother - but I have never had any inclination or warm fuzzy feelings of the idea of having my own family and child. I like borrowing people's sleeping baby or directing cute 4 yr olds to the brownie plate, but I have never felt any motherly instincts kick in, ever.
Yes, this leaves me with a big whole, when I think about it.
I talk to some people who can't wait to get married, have a kid, see it off to kindergarten and have a picket fence and security and that's all they need.
But I absolutely cannot relate.
Now, I love the idea of decorating a house, having a certain sense of permanence, and even coming home to someone and spending the rest of my life with them. I would even love, absolutely adore, being able to adopt.
And I can't really distinguish why I don't even think twice about adopting, even while I'm fairly certain I have never had any desire to have my own child.
It hurts to think about that. How many other women are there out there can't ever see themselves having a child of their own?
I must be defective. I wish that weren't true, but it feels like the right statement.
and i'm not sure what it stems from
except a long list of places in my life where I could have done things differently
I am so incredibly proud of my friend right now, Jesse Lee. He has set off across the US on a solar and energy powered tricycle that he and his friend built while in Costa Rica and they are raising money to send to Sri Lankan schools as part of Elon's service program, the Periclean Scholars.
I couldn't be happier for him, because he is an amazing person doing an amazing thing. I hope that he comes out of this experience fulfilled from his work, because he should be proud. He is truly being a world partner.
I should have taken more advantage of my surroundings and opportunities to help make the world a better place during my time in India.
This is a major disappointment, because this is very important to me.
Some might call that the "American syndrome," where as an American, I believe I can change and fix the world's problems. But I have always wanted to play a part in the world - I have always wanted to know the world and help where help was wanted and needed. It is too bad that I was in a country that would have loved my help and I didn't give it all I had.
This is a disappointment.
I met a special little girl the other day - I was told that I had a "shadow."
Her name was Sabriany, and she was adopted by some contra friends.
The thing about having this adorable little shadow was the weird struggle between extreme happiness and emptiness that went so deep, it made my chest hurt. I'm saddened by this, because there is nothing more that I wanted to do than pick this child up and tote her around.
I am at that age where I will soon graduate and my friends will freak out about the future, and they will start that long chain of weekend weddings and baby showers and tea parties with their little girls and little league games with their boys.
And I will be doing all of this attending. But I have never felt like that would be my lifestyle.
This hurts, because what do you say to the people that want that with you, but that you aren't sure you can give back? What happens next, for those women who have never felt they would be able to fill the shoes of wife and mother?
It makes me sad that I am a woman, who, by evolution and historical stigmas, was made to bear children and to be a mother - but I have never had any inclination or warm fuzzy feelings of the idea of having my own family and child. I like borrowing people's sleeping baby or directing cute 4 yr olds to the brownie plate, but I have never felt any motherly instincts kick in, ever.
Yes, this leaves me with a big whole, when I think about it.
I talk to some people who can't wait to get married, have a kid, see it off to kindergarten and have a picket fence and security and that's all they need.
But I absolutely cannot relate.
Now, I love the idea of decorating a house, having a certain sense of permanence, and even coming home to someone and spending the rest of my life with them. I would even love, absolutely adore, being able to adopt.
And I can't really distinguish why I don't even think twice about adopting, even while I'm fairly certain I have never had any desire to have my own child.
It hurts to think about that. How many other women are there out there can't ever see themselves having a child of their own?
I must be defective. I wish that weren't true, but it feels like the right statement.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
lack of updates not due to drinking bacterial water
"You probably don't know who you just met - That was Marvin Veronee. He is one of the few remaining Iwo Jima veterans. He was a Ltn. in the Navy, ya know?"
The lack of updates is not due to being run over by a horse drawn tourist carriage, or being stuck in the Charleston plough-mud - I don't have the internetsss and I've been supah busy.
We moved into our new apartment on Tuesday - great place with high ceilings, 2 porches, a studio-like living area and several of my favorite people, but we will all know when someone indulges in a midnight romp.
It is very not-soundproof. I am, however, still using my India-mind (I'm thrilled to say) and issues of privacy are no longer issues of privacy. I can easily push through just about anything without being affected at all, and what happens, happens.
Today I started my internship at the museum - which is a marvelous place full of interesting people, weird hair, and history displays - 3 things that I hold near and dear to my heart. Despite my love of this people who have put me in front of a tub of artifacts hooked up to wires performing electrolysis and snapping photos and helping out with museum sleepovers, the museum is a very very cold place. My internal temperature system remains dysfunctional.
I have beautiful friends performing in beautiful artistic endeavors, while I tromp around Charleston being a Spoleto-ean. I couldn't be happier right now, except that I wish I had been around for auditions and could up on stage, too. Also that I could find my bike key so I could get to places quicker than my calloused feet will take me, but oh well.
I am constantly amazed at the unbound talent that my friends possess, and that of the people I watch.
I'm sad that my brother is gone - because now everyone is off doing all those things that I wish I were still doing.
Alaska - Adam has it covered.
farming in Nepal - Jessica and Emily are digging deep
traveling around the Middle East - Nicole is flaunting it
Living in Asia - ok, Jenny.
Tickets to Malta - $1,304
ouch.
The lack of updates is not due to being run over by a horse drawn tourist carriage, or being stuck in the Charleston plough-mud - I don't have the internetsss and I've been supah busy.
We moved into our new apartment on Tuesday - great place with high ceilings, 2 porches, a studio-like living area and several of my favorite people, but we will all know when someone indulges in a midnight romp.
It is very not-soundproof. I am, however, still using my India-mind (I'm thrilled to say) and issues of privacy are no longer issues of privacy. I can easily push through just about anything without being affected at all, and what happens, happens.
Today I started my internship at the museum - which is a marvelous place full of interesting people, weird hair, and history displays - 3 things that I hold near and dear to my heart. Despite my love of this people who have put me in front of a tub of artifacts hooked up to wires performing electrolysis and snapping photos and helping out with museum sleepovers, the museum is a very very cold place. My internal temperature system remains dysfunctional.
I have beautiful friends performing in beautiful artistic endeavors, while I tromp around Charleston being a Spoleto-ean. I couldn't be happier right now, except that I wish I had been around for auditions and could up on stage, too. Also that I could find my bike key so I could get to places quicker than my calloused feet will take me, but oh well.
I am constantly amazed at the unbound talent that my friends possess, and that of the people I watch.
I'm sad that my brother is gone - because now everyone is off doing all those things that I wish I were still doing.
Alaska - Adam has it covered.
farming in Nepal - Jessica and Emily are digging deep
traveling around the Middle East - Nicole is flaunting it
Living in Asia - ok, Jenny.
Tickets to Malta - $1,304
ouch.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
this is not the sound of settling
Here in Charleston, life goes on.
People come in and out of my life, just like before.
I'm in and out of people's lives, just like before.
Lots of things have been happening.
Things here in the US, things there in India, my second home and second love.
An update:
plane crashes, Maoists attacks, cyclones, bandhs, friends and experiences left behind that are still enjoying one another in India, Noral virus, cruise ships that bring old friends and new friends, 21st birthday with free shots, a new dress, a princess crown and the best people I could possibly have spent my birthday with and whom I love dearly and will miss when I can't be with them, when they move away, moving soon to a brand new super adorable apartment with 2 porches and more windows, becoming the owner of a new kitten, crying at snaps of polio victims, flowers and cards and sunsets and beaches, mimosas in the morning, contra dancing, getting an internship and a job, running, and mostly, loving and being happy with where I am and who I am with, needing nothing more or wanting more than everything I have.
Giving myself over to the universe is the best thing I have ever done.
People come in and out of my life, just like before.
I'm in and out of people's lives, just like before.
Lots of things have been happening.
Things here in the US, things there in India, my second home and second love.
An update:
plane crashes, Maoists attacks, cyclones, bandhs, friends and experiences left behind that are still enjoying one another in India, Noral virus, cruise ships that bring old friends and new friends, 21st birthday with free shots, a new dress, a princess crown and the best people I could possibly have spent my birthday with and whom I love dearly and will miss when I can't be with them, when they move away, moving soon to a brand new super adorable apartment with 2 porches and more windows, becoming the owner of a new kitten, crying at snaps of polio victims, flowers and cards and sunsets and beaches, mimosas in the morning, contra dancing, getting an internship and a job, running, and mostly, loving and being happy with where I am and who I am with, needing nothing more or wanting more than everything I have.
Giving myself over to the universe is the best thing I have ever done.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
looking for the word
I'm on the lookout for my word.
But there are a lot of words out there - hanging on a sign, sighing quietly on a page in a dictionary, glowing under a street lamp, stamped out on a keyboard
My word must be somewhere.
But there are a lot of words out there - hanging on a sign, sighing quietly on a page in a dictionary, glowing under a street lamp, stamped out on a keyboard
My word must be somewhere.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A glimpse of happiness in SC
You may or may not know, but there is a very important man in my life who went through a very tough ordeal while I was in India. I shared his pain from afar.
My only way of staying in touch was a one-way letter system. It provided me with much needed comfort and apparently, it provided him with some as well.
Today, this email from his son made me cry with happiness.
------
Hi Allyn:
Anatoly asked me to write you to say Thank you for your letters. He really appreciated you taking time to do that. As for myself I also wanted to thank you for providing support to my father. It was the right thing at the right time. I really enjoyed translating them for him.
Thank you so much!!!
Konstantine
My only way of staying in touch was a one-way letter system. It provided me with much needed comfort and apparently, it provided him with some as well.
Today, this email from his son made me cry with happiness.
------
Hi Allyn:
Anatoly asked me to write you to say Thank you for your letters. He really appreciated you taking time to do that. As for myself I also wanted to thank you for providing support to my father. It was the right thing at the right time. I really enjoyed translating them for him.
Thank you so much!!!
Konstantine
Monday, May 10, 2010
slightly crazy
I'm home now.
i'm not even sure i understand that.
I'm still trying to process everything, of what my experience has meant to me, and how it has changed me.
INDIA
Why: to see what I was capable of doing, handling
Why: to get away from the things that have memories and feelings attached, things that used to make me happy that nowadays, still only make sad
Why: to know more than SC
What I've found out: I am very capable, and very able of being on my own, away from the familiar. But I don't think I ever really doubted myself - I think I doubted myself when others made me feel like I couldn't.
What I've found out: It doesn't matter when you come back - 4 months, 6 months, 1 year - places and things still have a stigma, a concept, an idea, a permanent place in your memory and senses that no matter how hard you wish something had never happened, had never existed, it still did and you still feel it. And it isn't going away. It will forever be there.
What I've found out: I was able to slip right back into daily life in SC without a hitch. There are tons of new stories that are sparked by various sights, conversation topics, eating habits, fashion habits, animals, cars, etc. There are a few lifestyle changes - and I hope they stick.
I hope that just because I'm back and able to be a part of society so quickly without being ridiculous doesn't mean that I will quickly and easily forget my time in such an unforgettable place, with amazing people, doing mind-blowing things.
What I've found out: The one and only reason I'm ok with that fact that I've had to come back is because of my family. I'm very glad I am with them - but I'm hightailing it out of here again, asap.
i'm not even sure i understand that.
I'm still trying to process everything, of what my experience has meant to me, and how it has changed me.
INDIA
Why: to see what I was capable of doing, handling
Why: to get away from the things that have memories and feelings attached, things that used to make me happy that nowadays, still only make sad
Why: to know more than SC
What I've found out: I am very capable, and very able of being on my own, away from the familiar. But I don't think I ever really doubted myself - I think I doubted myself when others made me feel like I couldn't.
What I've found out: It doesn't matter when you come back - 4 months, 6 months, 1 year - places and things still have a stigma, a concept, an idea, a permanent place in your memory and senses that no matter how hard you wish something had never happened, had never existed, it still did and you still feel it. And it isn't going away. It will forever be there.
What I've found out: I was able to slip right back into daily life in SC without a hitch. There are tons of new stories that are sparked by various sights, conversation topics, eating habits, fashion habits, animals, cars, etc. There are a few lifestyle changes - and I hope they stick.
I hope that just because I'm back and able to be a part of society so quickly without being ridiculous doesn't mean that I will quickly and easily forget my time in such an unforgettable place, with amazing people, doing mind-blowing things.
What I've found out: The one and only reason I'm ok with that fact that I've had to come back is because of my family. I'm very glad I am with them - but I'm hightailing it out of here again, asap.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
I never had the time to feel nostalgic - I didn't even have the time to think.
I just packed my bags, said goodbye, and flew out of India.
I've had the time to think and this is it:
The worst part of leaving India, and the reason I tried sooooo hard to stay, was because I don't ever know when I am going to get the chance to go back.
That is the absolute worst part - seeing things in the US, comparing it to all of the beautiful, colorful, different cultural aspects of India and knowing that I might only be able to compare from the US from now on.
So far I have been sleeping on my cloud of a bed, playing with my beloved animals, gone to the vet, bought new tennis shoes since I left my others in India (thank god), attended a wedding reception, and taken a car to the shop.
It is back to daily life in SC.
Today is Mother's Day.
And even though I can't help but tell stories about India, describing, laughing, crying... I'm very very very glad that I am here with my family.
Maybe it is because they always know how to make me laugh... my mother discovered during our Mother/Daughter photo shoot that the shoes she has been wearing for the last 3 days are 2 different sizes... sort of like my father wearing 2 different shoes to a birthday party.
I love this family.
This is why I came back, and pretty much the only reason.
Don't tune out just because I'm not in India anymore, because I'm not.
I wouldn't.
I couldn't.
This world is still big and beautiful and worth the attention.
I just packed my bags, said goodbye, and flew out of India.
I've had the time to think and this is it:
The worst part of leaving India, and the reason I tried sooooo hard to stay, was because I don't ever know when I am going to get the chance to go back.
That is the absolute worst part - seeing things in the US, comparing it to all of the beautiful, colorful, different cultural aspects of India and knowing that I might only be able to compare from the US from now on.
So far I have been sleeping on my cloud of a bed, playing with my beloved animals, gone to the vet, bought new tennis shoes since I left my others in India (thank god), attended a wedding reception, and taken a car to the shop.
It is back to daily life in SC.
Today is Mother's Day.
And even though I can't help but tell stories about India, describing, laughing, crying... I'm very very very glad that I am here with my family.
Maybe it is because they always know how to make me laugh... my mother discovered during our Mother/Daughter photo shoot that the shoes she has been wearing for the last 3 days are 2 different sizes... sort of like my father wearing 2 different shoes to a birthday party.
I love this family.
This is why I came back, and pretty much the only reason.
Don't tune out just because I'm not in India anymore, because I'm not.
I wouldn't.
I couldn't.
This world is still big and beautiful and worth the attention.
Monday, May 3, 2010
"shhhhhhh calm the fuck down. s'okay."
So while Riane and I sit here freakin' out about we don't know what because nobody answers our emails, our bags aren't packed, we ain't got the money or the time to figure out anything, but we do know that the world is coming to an end and it is going to implode starting in Asia (most likely tomorrow), people make songs and blogs and they make us laugh.
http://www.zefrank.com/chillout/
http://www.zefrank.com/chillout/
Sunday, May 2, 2010
hellish.
Life in the East is hitting far closer to home than I ever thought.
Living in the terrorist magnet otherwise known as the USA, yet protected by the naivety of South Caroline, terrorist threats were an issue that were never really an issue - not more than comments on television, pictures of destruction in the news, overly protective parents pulling their kids out of middle school in a rural South Caroline town. Heartbreaking, but distant. I remained directly unaffected.
But I don't live in South Carolina anymore.
And I'm not naive anymore.
This shit's real.
I'm glad I have been given the chance to get over my naivety - to really and truly see, understand, take part in daily life and emotions on the other side of the globe, yet there is nothing more I want than for everyone to know and enjoy the naivety I once possessed.
To live a life constantly in fear is not a life at all.
I spent the last week completely at the mercy of strangers willing to fill in two lone females traveling through terrorist targeted Kolkata (Calcutta).
The advice:
stay out of known tourist spots
no bars
get stocked on food, water, money
wait it out
As I stared at the ceiling of my stopped train somewhere in the middle of West Bengal by a group of communist protestors standing on the railroad tracks in an All-India bandh, we get a phone call from our Indian mother that our friend took the soonest flight out of Hyderabad.
He, his girlfriend, and another friend were beaten up in a bar in Bangkok, Thailand.
Apparently there was a gang attack by Red Shirts on the 3 of them - the girl ended up down a staircase and in the hospital needing stitches, the guys came back into consciousness in a world where nobody would help them get the help they needed for the scars and cuts they endured.
All three of these students have sent off for the US.
We get news that Calcutta is the next terrorist target in India - here is an article in the paper listing all of the evidence that points to why the tourist spots and the train station and airport are the most likely targets.
We are advised to stay out of the public. Lucky us, this is day 3 for us.
Our next stop is the airport, 6 am.
We end up in an internet cafe giving our fingerprints up for identification. It's "protocol."
My emails are disappointing.
Travel warnings/alerts are blocking me from Thailand and Nepal. There is to be no unnecessary travel to Thailand. Understanding the culture is "unnecessary."
There will be no traveling to Nepal - they have just let 20 terrorists into India, and are blaming it on the poor Indian border control.
Goodbye volunteer work.
Due to recent events, my field school/research program in Bangkok has been canceled.
Goodbye recently booked non-refundable roundway tickets to Paris and Bangkok.
Goodbye over $1000.
Goodbye much needed academic ncredits.
Goodbye scholarship.
Goodbye easier access to post-graduation anth. jobs.
Most of all, Goodbye to Asia.
Hello to life back in a place I knew in a life I never understood until know.
Hello to understanding the term, "fearing for life."
Goodbye to comfort and "understanding."
I'm incredibly disappointed in the turn that my summer has taken - instead of traveling, exploring, living and learning in several different foreign cultures, I will be (as of this moment) back in South Carolina.I can't wrap m head around how rapid these changes have occurred.
Yet I completely agree.
My project isn't the only one canceled because of the world - field schools in Mexico are being canceled as a US consulate was killed at the Texas border and it is unsafe.
Riane and I joke, but we are serious - the world feels like it is ending. How old is the earth?
A week ago, I was set to be trekking in the Himalayas, and coming back for an exciting time in France and Thailand until July.
Today, I am disappointed in a great many things. My disappointment is more or less directly focused on the world, and on the level of horrible events that can occur to innocent people, much of which beyond their control.
Today, I'm preparing to head home.
If you care, I'll be at the Atlanta airport at 2 pm on Thursday, May 6th.
Home to South Carolina, where I will have to deal with things I would rather not, with people that I want to forget about, memories that I want to disappear forever, places that I couldn't care about being in for another summer, rent, a non-existent job, familiar sights, etc. etc. etc.
I am just having trouble fathoming what it is like to actually be affected by this type of event, on a daily basis. Never before have I been on constant watch or had bodyguards. Never before have I had to change my route due to unforeseen and undeniably horrible worldwide situations.
Selfishly, I can't help think about what I have lost in the decision to just go home.
Meanwhile, I understand that I can go home to SC and be safe once more while there are millions that live with threats like this everyday.
Hopefully, I'll move back to the US and get a second chance to travel India, be in Paris on my birthday with my family, and study rites, rituals and myths in Bangkok.
Hopefully, the world will be a happier, healthier, safer place to live for anyone and everyone.
That's a tall order. It all feels so dark right now.
I've been directly affected by huge accusations and actions.
This is me linked to the real world - understanding and sharing the pain and the fear and the disappointment.
It's one of the things I wanted - perhaps not the way I wanted to find it out.
Currently, it all feels very... hellish.
Living in the terrorist magnet otherwise known as the USA, yet protected by the naivety of South Caroline, terrorist threats were an issue that were never really an issue - not more than comments on television, pictures of destruction in the news, overly protective parents pulling their kids out of middle school in a rural South Caroline town. Heartbreaking, but distant. I remained directly unaffected.
But I don't live in South Carolina anymore.
And I'm not naive anymore.
This shit's real.
I'm glad I have been given the chance to get over my naivety - to really and truly see, understand, take part in daily life and emotions on the other side of the globe, yet there is nothing more I want than for everyone to know and enjoy the naivety I once possessed.
To live a life constantly in fear is not a life at all.
I spent the last week completely at the mercy of strangers willing to fill in two lone females traveling through terrorist targeted Kolkata (Calcutta).
The advice:
stay out of known tourist spots
no bars
get stocked on food, water, money
wait it out
As I stared at the ceiling of my stopped train somewhere in the middle of West Bengal by a group of communist protestors standing on the railroad tracks in an All-India bandh, we get a phone call from our Indian mother that our friend took the soonest flight out of Hyderabad.
He, his girlfriend, and another friend were beaten up in a bar in Bangkok, Thailand.
Apparently there was a gang attack by Red Shirts on the 3 of them - the girl ended up down a staircase and in the hospital needing stitches, the guys came back into consciousness in a world where nobody would help them get the help they needed for the scars and cuts they endured.
All three of these students have sent off for the US.
We get news that Calcutta is the next terrorist target in India - here is an article in the paper listing all of the evidence that points to why the tourist spots and the train station and airport are the most likely targets.
We are advised to stay out of the public. Lucky us, this is day 3 for us.
Our next stop is the airport, 6 am.
We end up in an internet cafe giving our fingerprints up for identification. It's "protocol."
My emails are disappointing.
Travel warnings/alerts are blocking me from Thailand and Nepal. There is to be no unnecessary travel to Thailand. Understanding the culture is "unnecessary."
There will be no traveling to Nepal - they have just let 20 terrorists into India, and are blaming it on the poor Indian border control.
Goodbye volunteer work.
Due to recent events, my field school/research program in Bangkok has been canceled.
Goodbye recently booked non-refundable roundway tickets to Paris and Bangkok.
Goodbye over $1000.
Goodbye much needed academic ncredits.
Goodbye scholarship.
Goodbye easier access to post-graduation anth. jobs.
Most of all, Goodbye to Asia.
Hello to life back in a place I knew in a life I never understood until know.
Hello to understanding the term, "fearing for life."
Goodbye to comfort and "understanding."
I'm incredibly disappointed in the turn that my summer has taken - instead of traveling, exploring, living and learning in several different foreign cultures, I will be (as of this moment) back in South Carolina.I can't wrap m head around how rapid these changes have occurred.
Yet I completely agree.
My project isn't the only one canceled because of the world - field schools in Mexico are being canceled as a US consulate was killed at the Texas border and it is unsafe.
Riane and I joke, but we are serious - the world feels like it is ending. How old is the earth?
A week ago, I was set to be trekking in the Himalayas, and coming back for an exciting time in France and Thailand until July.
Today, I am disappointed in a great many things. My disappointment is more or less directly focused on the world, and on the level of horrible events that can occur to innocent people, much of which beyond their control.
Today, I'm preparing to head home.
If you care, I'll be at the Atlanta airport at 2 pm on Thursday, May 6th.
Home to South Carolina, where I will have to deal with things I would rather not, with people that I want to forget about, memories that I want to disappear forever, places that I couldn't care about being in for another summer, rent, a non-existent job, familiar sights, etc. etc. etc.
I am just having trouble fathoming what it is like to actually be affected by this type of event, on a daily basis. Never before have I been on constant watch or had bodyguards. Never before have I had to change my route due to unforeseen and undeniably horrible worldwide situations.
Selfishly, I can't help think about what I have lost in the decision to just go home.
Meanwhile, I understand that I can go home to SC and be safe once more while there are millions that live with threats like this everyday.
Hopefully, I'll move back to the US and get a second chance to travel India, be in Paris on my birthday with my family, and study rites, rituals and myths in Bangkok.
Hopefully, the world will be a happier, healthier, safer place to live for anyone and everyone.
That's a tall order. It all feels so dark right now.
I've been directly affected by huge accusations and actions.
This is me linked to the real world - understanding and sharing the pain and the fear and the disappointment.
It's one of the things I wanted - perhaps not the way I wanted to find it out.
Currently, it all feels very... hellish.
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